American Woman

I'll Never Know Why - But I Do Know...

2011-04-13T19:35:00.000-05:00

So many times we ask the question, "Why?" Why did I end up here? Why did I lose that job? Why did my friend walk away? Why did my boyfriend leave me? Why did I fail that test? Why did she die? Why do I obsess over stupid things that really don't mater? Why do I have this disability? The "why" questions can be endless. And if we aren't careful, we can drive ourselves completely crazy with the limitlessness of the word "why".

Today I sit contemplating my own "why" questions. Why this? Why that? Why not? Why? Why? Why? And I realize I'm sounding a bit like a baby. Furthermore, I'm looking into the past - the past that I can do nothing about. It is over and done with. It cannot be changed. It cannot be removed. It is what it is.

I've recently started dating someone that has made me think about this quite a bit. He lives fully in the present. And for a planner like myself, it has rocked my boat. It has made me feel completely uncomfortable. It has, more than once, made me want to walk away. But something keeps drawing me closer to this crazy way of thinking (HA - don't tell him I said that). There is something to this living in the present.

Of course there is a balance, but the Lord reminds me of these verses:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

We have today. Each day I wake up - that one moment - is all I am promised. I don't know if the rest of the day will be seen. I don't know if that evening I will lay my head on my pillow. But what I do know is that each moment is for God. Each moment is for His glory. And if I get so wrapped up in my past or my future, I will not be able to see what it is He has for me today.

What Do You Want To Be?

2011-02-21T13:23:00.000-06:00

What is it that you want to be? A good wife? A good husband? A good employee? How about a good christian even? It seems as if more and more we are trying to be better at so many different things. Every time you turn around there is some new self help book out. Or a 10 step program to getting your life in order.

But today I was reminded of a song that simplified it all. At the end of the day isn't it best to desire to be a child of God? We make it so hard. We confuse His love with earthly love. Often times we believe we can do this or that and be satisfied. We can earn the peace He gives and work for the love that He showers, but we are often left empty. Mainly because its a matter of acceptance on our part. Its a matter of simply accepting our role - a child of God. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more. There is no amount of service that will make Him proud. It's the surrender to Him that excites Him.

A Child of God

With every breath with every salt
From what it seem to the deepest part
I offer all that I've come to be
To know your love fathering me

Father you're all I need
My souls sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
You arms enfold me
Till I am only
A child of God

With every step on this journey's walk
And wisdom songs
But the soul is sad
I give my self unreservedly
To know your love fathering

Father you're all I need
My souls sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
You arms enfold me till I am only
A child of God

So today, Lord help me to surrender to You. I want to first and foremost be a Child of God.

He Longs For Me

2011-01-21T19:58:00.000-06:00

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him. O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you." Isaiah 30:18-19 (underlining mine)

Currently I'm involved in Priscilla Shirer's bible study, Jonah, Navigating a Life Interrupted. Though we are only on week three, God has convicted me, blessed me, and encouraged me. Like Jonah, I have, more than once, ran away from what God has called me to do. I have justified my jog (yeah, I'm not much of a runner) in the other direction. I have blamed others for getting me off track. And I too have tried to get on a boat and sail far, far away from everything dear to me, including the presence of my Lord.

But my Lord longs for me (and you).

Do you grasp the magnitude of that? Do I need to say it again? The Lord longs for you. I'm reminded of a poem I read in high school that has not, and will not leave me. It is by far one of my favorites. And to me, this is what love feels like

This Want of You

This want of you is like no other thing;
It smites my soul with sudden sickening;
It binds my being with a wreath of rue - -
This want of you.

It flashes on me with the waking sun;
It creeps upon me when the day is done;
It hammers at my heart the long night thru - -
This want of you.

It sighs within me with the misting skies;
Oh, all the day within my heart it cries;
Old as your absence, yet each moment new - -
This want of you.

Mad with demand and aching with despair,
It leaps within my heart and you are - where?
God has forgotten, or he never knew -
This want of you.
- Ivan Leonard Wright

And if that is how I feel love as a mere human - do I dare imagine how God's longing for us may be? Can you comprehend it? Can your wrap your mind around it? Do you accept that He longs to be gracious to you? Do you accept that He desires to be compassionate to you? Or do you, like so many (including myself), wonder if God looks on you with disdain, shaking His head, wondering why it is He created you? You wonder if maybe you should give up because - quite frankly - you are just too far gone?

My friend, wrap yourself up in this verse. Get it deep down in your heart. Allow the Holy Spirit to give you a supernatural revelation of what God is trying to say to us through this verse. He is not like us. He does not want to punish us. He does not want to give us "what for". He does not want to say "I told you so." He does not want to rub your nose in your mistakes. Instead, He longs to be gracious to us.

My friend Webster defines long as: to feel a strong desire or craving especially for something not likely to be attained.

(Take my breath away.)

Are you listening my friend? Are you getting this? He knows there will be times when you will turn your face away from Him, but that does NOT keep Him from desiring you and looking for every opportunity to be gracious to you. And it does not keep Him from trying. That would go against His very nature!

So - now the question is: Are you running? Has He asked you to do something that you quite honestly do not want to do? You are not alone my friend. BUT! Knowing what you now know - how can you keep running? How can you simply turn your face away from His grace? I know that what He has called you to do is not easy. I know that it requires sacrifice. I know that you will stand before Him broken. I know, because - I too am there. But surrender yourself to Him today.

He has chosen you for this task because you were perfectly made to accomplish it. He can do it alone. He doesn't need your help. But He chooses to use you as His vessel. Allow Him to mold you into the man or woman of God to fulfill His plan.

He is The Master of taking what is broken and producing a Masterpiece. Will you allow Him to do that today?

Godly Correction

2011-01-11T21:29:00.002-06:00

Today I got a spanking from God. Yep, at 31 years old I'm still getting spanked by my Father. You know how your parents tell you something, you take it to heart, and then, and then, and then you just - forget it? Forget it was ever spoken. Forget it ever gripped your thoughts, not to mention your heart. And forget to actually do what it was they told you to do. Yeah. That's me in a nutshell. I forgot, didn't walk it out, and today I got reminded by a big spanking. And it hurt. Brought me to tears. Humbled me. Brought me to more tears. But He gripped my heart again. He has a way of always bringing us back to what He has planned for us as along as we allow Him to.

I don't know what you're facing today. I don't know if there is something you've decided to forget for comforts sake, like I did. I don't know if the fear of the unknown has caused you to close an ear to what the Father said. But if it has, please friend, open that ear back up. Don't make Him spank you like He spanked me today. ITS NO FUN - TRUST ME! Take Him at His Word. Trust Him enough to walk with you through whatever He has called you to do. Open your ears to His Words. They bring life, joy, comfort and peace. Commit yourself back to Him today.

While I'm Waiting

2011-01-09T22:53:00.000-06:00

Has the Lord promised you something? He has me, however, I'm still in the waiting stage. And the waiting stage is seriously no fun. If you're anything like me you tend you get impatient and try moving on to something else to keep your mind off the something promised. And before you know it, you've completely forgotten all about the thing you had been promised. You start to get wrapped up in the things that probably aren't the best for you. You become lax in what God has called you to do. You fail to stay abiding in Him and His Word. And suddenly, you find you have drifted away from the promise, but worse yet, away from the Promiser. All the while, the Lord looks at you with loving eyes, saying, "Come here, my child."

That's probably never happened to you, but it has me. I've gotten used to the fast lane in life and I like it. I want it here and now and my way. I want to see the promise fulfilled - but I'm unwilling to allow the Promiser to do what it takes for me to handle the promise. (Ouch! That wasn't easy to admit)

So here I am, again recently reminded of the promise. And what will I do? Will I search again for something to take my mind off of it because I don't have the faith that God will come through - or will I allow God to do what He must do in order to prepare me for the promise? Right now, I am waiting. I won't say that I won't get side tracked because Lord knows, I've said just such before. However, today I commit to waiting on Him. I commit to trusting that His ways ARE most definitely better than my ways. I say, "Lord, mold me and make me into whatever it is you'd have me to be. I choose to wait on your promise. And should I get distracted, Lord, draw me back to you."

Head Up Young Person

2011-01-05T12:39:00.002-06:00

But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

— Psalm 3:3 (NIV)

The past few weeks have been trying. And with this new year finally here I'd like to say that it has all of a sudden become easier. However - it has not. Naturally we face things in life that try to bog us down, but our Lord is ever present, always reminding us - He is there. He is walking with us. He is holding up His Shield to protect us from the jabs of the enemy. And He does lift up our heads.

I'm reminded of David and what he must have been thinking when he was being faced with the ugly truth that the king he trusted, no longer trusted him. But instead Saul wanted David dead. Wow. How many times have we been faced with situations where someone we trusted turned on us? Or a moment when you thought things were going one way but you quickly realized - they were actually going in the opposite direction? How how about when you have felt like the whole world was against you?

Again, our Lord is ever present. He is near. And He is always protecting us. Did you ever stop to think - though you are going through THIS trial, He has actually been protecting you from OTHER trials that could have taken you to your breaking point? He always has our best interest at heart. And though its difficult to take in, what He allows us to go through is to make us better men and women of God. He loves us enough to make us more like Him.

So with that said - Head up young person! He is your Shield. He has bestowed you with His glory (WOW....what an honor). And He has lifted up your head. Don't insult Him by putting it back down.

Happy New Year 2011

2011-01-01T20:50:00.007-06:00

For many I know this past year has a been a very trying year. It has been a year filled with job losses and family losses and financial losses. For many it has been a year that has tested their faith in ways they never thought imaginable. I know more than one person that is glad to see 2010 in their rear view mirror for a hope of a brighter 2011.

Like so many, this year has been a trying year for me. I have been humbled and brought low. And though you would think one would learn - I have been humbled and brought low some more because I apparently didn't learn my lesson the first time. But thank God His mercies are new everyday.

However much I'd love to stay negative and focus on the horrible year we all have had - I'd much rather like to take a moment of gratitude and thank the One who has brought me (and us) through it all.

O Lord my God,
When I in awesome wonder
Consider all
The works Thy Hand hath made,

I see the stars,
I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy pow'r throughout
The universe displayed;

When through the woods
And forest glades I wander
I hear the birds
Sing sweetly in the trees;

When I look down
From lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook
And feel the gentle breeze;

Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come,
With shouts of acclamation,
And take me home,
What joy shall fill my heart!

Then I shall bow
In humble adoration
And there proclaim,
"My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!

Lord, My Lord. Thank you for all you blessed me with this past year. First and foremost, thank you for your daily forgiveness. I know many times I often fail to remember the magnitude of your sacrifice, but thank you for never failing to forgive me. You have walked with me through a year that has been trying and many times overwhelming. You have seen my tears. You have felt my pain. And you heard my cry. You have seen my brokenness and poured your oil of healing on my wounds. Yet through it all, You have silently spoken words of peace and hope even when I failed to listen. How you remain faithful to me even when I have so often been unfaithful to you humbles me yet again.

Though my finances were strained You always managed to show up despite my lack of faith and trust. And you have brought me to a place where I feel as if I can now see the light at the end of a tunnel.

When something dear was taken away, you have manged to help me through it and hold my hand.

I will not understand why some things were allowed and others were not, but God, You are still God.

No matter my situation. You are still God. No matter the battle I face. You are still God. No matter the fear that tries to tear me down. You are still God. And when its all said and done - it will be YOU that remains, My God, You ARE STILL GOD!

Please bless me this next year. Draw me nearer to you. Guide my every step. Prepare the way before me. Open the doors you'd have me walk through and close tightly the ones I'm not to go through. In Jesus' Name I pray, AMEN!

Boooo For Broken Marriages

2010-12-14T19:15:00.000-06:00

Today I came across a post someone put up declaring the break up of Scarlett Johansson & Ryan Reynolds's marriage. And like that person, I sometimes wonder - is there any chance of a successful marriage these days. I know, it rarely happens in Hollywood, but I'm really not even talking about them. In real life people have no staying power anymore. Its as if people have said its okay to walk away when you don't feel like loving someone anymore.

I'm not married so I don't have any great advice to give. But I do hope to be (yes, Love, I still love you) someday. So, many times when I come across someone that has been in a successful marriage, I'm generally intrigued. I like to ask, "What is your secret to a successful marriage?" And many times they laugh. But most of the time they follow with a nugget of information and I hold on to it dearly.

So today I came across a comment someone made on an unrelated article. I thought I would share it. This is what he said:

"Marriage is always a work in progress and failure is never an option. Keeping humor and excitement in your relationship will keep the fires burning in your hearts."

I love it - Marriage is always a work in progress and failure is never an option. How often do we hear people say, "it just didn't work out". I always want to say WHY???? Who gave up? Why settle for failure? So many times in life, its the things I had to fight for that were worth something. The Bible clearly says:

Eph 6:13,14 Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place

Stand your ground, doing everything you know to stand....and then Stand firm some more. Need I say more?

Keeping humor and excitement in your relationship will keep the fires burning in your hearts. My Love knows more than anyone that I'm seriously just a goofball, but a serious goofball. I don't mind doing a little jig here and there to make him smile. However, deep down there is a seriousness about me that many see, but few can really breakthrough. And at times, the seriousness gets the better of me. I'm not saying ignore issues that need to be resolved, but I am saying, learn to laugh together. My Love and I are still working on that, but I'd say we laugh with each other everyday. And I think that's important.

Again, I'm no expert. I haven't even started. But don't you think a nugget is a nugget, no matter who it comes from?

Tiffany Blue

2010-11-13T21:41:00.000-06:00

I am currently obsessed with everything Tiffany Blue though I have not added it into my life as of yet. But have no fear - it draws near. I've decided to transform my guest bedroom into a Tiffany Blue Box. I recently purchased a white and black duvet, black candles, a Tiffany Blue (acutally a shade darker) and black lamp. I'm currently looking for Tiffany Blue sheets. Accesories will soon follow I'm sure. My plan is to paint the bedroom walls and floor (yes floor - that ugly carpet is coming up) Tiffany Blue. I haven't decorated anything in quite some time so I'm completely excited about this endeavor. I just have to find the right paint color. Here are some recent pictures that I've fallen head over heals for. Enjoy! I know I have.

I am only hoping I can come across a chandelier like this

I want these!

Beyond adorable

A place to call home.

Absolutely Breathtaking

Walking to the Alter

2010-11-05T10:38:00.000-05:00

There are moments in life where decisions have to be made that are not always easy. And rarely are they easy to stand by - but they are a must. The moment of decision does not come suddenly, but through many hours of thought and anguish. You are well aware of the possible outcomes. You are aware of the costs. And you are completely aware of the pain that could follow. But at the end of the day - a decision must be made and you must trust that God is in control.

Abraham faced something like that. God told him to do something he would never have imagined. God told him to sacrifice his only son. Can you imagine? You were told by God that you would be the father of many nations, yet you have no child. And God doesn't give you one right away. He waits until you're old and then says - okay - now I'll give you a son. So here you are - old - finally with this son you've dreamed about - and God tells you to go sacrifice him! Are you KIDDING ME!?! No, God was not kidding. I'm sure Abraham wished he heard God wrong at that moment. Just the thought makes my heart sink. Yet, a decision had to be made. Will I do what must be done? Or will I follow my own plan? Will I do what is best in God's eyes? Or will I do what is best for me? Don't act like you haven't contemplated the thought of what is best for you instead of what is God's best. And so, I'm sure with heavy heart, our father Abraham followed God's lead. He gathered his things, including his only son, and headed to the alter where he would make a sacrifice.

What has God asked you to sacrifice? Is there something He is asking you to lay on the alter before Him? He has of me. And I have walked to the alter and laid it down. You see, we know the end of the story of Abraham. We know that God provided another sacrifice. However, sometimes we forget that Abraham had to actually put Isaac on that alter. I sit here trying to imagine how Abraham must have felt. Fear? God, what will Sarah say about this? Will she understand? Hurt? God, I don't know why you are asking me to do this. Why did you give him to me in the first place? Brokenness? I know this man of God tried to be strong, but I can almost see his already swollen eyes and then the all too familiar tears start streaming down his face as he looks at his son. And finally trust. God I will trust you because you are my God. You gave, but today, you take away. Thank you for the moments you allowed me to have. Then. Then and only then did God bring another sacrifice on the scene.

Here we are at decision time. Will I trust God, or will I trust my emotions? Oh I've felt all of those emotions. Fear, hurt, brokenness. I know them all too well. I wish I could tell myself that God will show up just like He did for Abraham. But that doesn't always happen. The trust is - trusting that God's ways are higher than our ways. His plans are higher than our plans. God is still God, no matter the outcome. Know that my friend.

And so I, with shaky legs, fear of the unknown, hurting heart, and swollen eyes have come to God to sacrifice what is His. Because at the end of the day - I am not my own. I was bought with a price. I am not here for my glory and my plans but to glorify Him.

Ephesians 5:20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

He is Worthy

2010-11-02T10:09:00.002-05:00

Do you ever have those days where you wake up desperate for something encouraging to happen? Hoping that there will a break in dam that seems to hold you back? Life isn't bad, but today you've been hurt and there is no shoulder to cry on. There is no one to say, I understand. You feel utterly alone. Today is just that day. However, instead of getting up and searching for something positive I chose to stay in bed. I chose to lay there wishing I could fall asleep and not wake until the next morning. No one look at me. No one touch me. Just let me sulk and continue to feel hurt.

And God says - Get up, Liberty. Then subtly He reminds me of a verse.

You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
— 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV)

He has called me chosen, royal, holy, and most importantly - HIS. But it doesn't stop there. He has made us all these things to declare His praises. He is worthy to be praised no matter what situation I am in. He is worthy to be praised no matter the hurt I may feel. He is worthy to be praised in the good times and bad.

So today, Lord, I praise you for all that you are. You are the Great I Am. You are the Beginning and the End. You are my strength and my song. You are my Comforter and Friend. You are Holy, Holy, Holy.

I'm thankful God didn't wake up this morning and say - No one look at me, No one touch me.

Oh The Places You'll Go

2010-09-10T17:27:00.002-05:00

Maybe I've posted this before - but its worth a second go around. Dr. Seuss was amazing with his simple nugguts of wisdom.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You’re off to Great Places!

You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!

You’ll be seeing great sights!

You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.

Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So…get on your way!

And I Shall Be Called Traveler

2010-07-30T07:43:00.000-05:00

After this summer, I have decided that - when I grow up - I want to be a Traveler. Yes, you heard me right. I want to be a traveler. I want to go here and there and everywhere and do it again and again. This year has started something that I don't believe will ever be completely satisfied - and thus - I won't be satisfied. I don't believe that I'll be able to sit back and live a normal life of staying home all the time and worrying with things like the grass getting cut or the weeds being pulled or the flowers getting watered. Maybe I should look into condos?!?!? I will go and see and do until my heart is content - but it won't be because there will always be something new and exciting to do and see. (Okay so maybe I'm dreaming - but let me have my little dream. I don't allow myself to have too many of them!)

I realized that I haven't posted too many pics on here lately of my travels so here are some of my expereinces. Enjoy (I sure did!)

Wicked - an amazing show

The best Panini I think I've ever put in my mouth!

Times Square

My Lady Liberty

Me about to kick some go cart butt!

Clearwater Beach - I really think I belong there ;)

Me and Andy - Clearwater, FL

Canterbury Race Track - Minnesota

Minnesota - I still can't believe how much I liked it there.

Me and Andy - Minnesota

Enter the Throne Room

2010-07-13T14:35:00.001-05:00

Today I find myself extremely restless....craving a moment with God, yet doing everything but being still enough to hear His voice or even just talk to Him. I've gone to the grocery store. I've stained the desk. I've taken my computer to the repairman. I've washed and put the dishes away. I've put a load of laundry in the wash. I've looked at Facebook more times than I care to admit. And here I am writing a post! I'm desiring a moment with God, yet I do everything but spend time with Him. Something is completely wrong with this picture. How did life get so packed with busy-ness (is that a word?) that I can't seem to stop for the moment that I'm desiring? And when I actually sit and ponder this, I realize its not busy-ness....its me. If I want a moment with God - I need to take it like the Wine Diva took the race (guess you had to be there)!

Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

When I go visit my parents, I knock on the door, but I don't wait for them to answer. I just walk on in! God longs for a relationship with us. He longs for us to be with Him. And yet, so many times we shuffle our feet outside of His door instead of just walking right on in. Its okay - He's waiting for you.

And for me....I've gotta go. My Father is expecting me!

If You Aren't Careful

2010-07-09T08:03:00.002-05:00

I can't say that I've lived a very exciting life. I haven't been to the moon. I haven't cured cancer. I haven't caught a purse snatcher. And I probably haven't changed a lot of lives around me. Its easy to get wrapped up in the everyday business of going to work/school/both. Its easy to see the same people day in and day out and fail to actually see them. Its easy to forget the important things like eatting snow cones, getting kisses from your puppy, getting lost in a child's laughter, feeling the sand between your toes, be the reason someone smiles, watching the sunrise/sunset, get lost in rolling hills, feel the wind in your hair, dance like no one is around, and laugh until it hurts and keep laughing. No one can do it for you - you have to live your own life. And if you aren't careful - life will pass you by and you will be left wondering where it went. So has my life been exciting? No. But I have lived life. It hasn't always been fun or easy. It has had its highs and its lows. I have loved and lost...and still been blessed enough to love again. I have gained friends and lost friends and gained again. I have seen places I never thought I would see. I have accomplished things I never thought possible. I have failed. I have succeeded. And I have lived.

Thank God for that.

Surprise!

2010-06-05T20:39:00.002-05:00

Philippians 4:19
And my God shall supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

It always amazes me when God surprises us out of no where. I mean - I never saw it coming. Its not that I didn't think He was capable. Its not that I thought He didn't care. It just never occurred to me to expect it.

Lately I've been a bit discouraged. Here I am out of school and want to work to save money for next semester (not to mention pay my current bills). Yet I find it difficult to get the days. And the thought runs through my mind over and over again - if you don't work you don't eat. I'm a firm believer in that. And still - its not that I don't want to work - I just can't get the days to work. So finally I prayed (why do we sometimes look to God last instead of first???? Please tell me I am not the only one that has been guilty of this a time or two!). And then all of a sudden God started opening the doors.

James 1:6-7
But when you ask [God], but sure that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.

He does promise us that He will take care of us. If He takes care of the birds - surely He will take care of His children. I mean surely! But if we don't expect anything - If we don't anticipate He will come through on such a promise - why should He? Fortunate for me (and you), He abounds in grace and mercy. Even when I neglect the simplest of acts - just to expect Him to show up - He does it anyway. I am humbled that He cares enough show up. I am humbled by His thoughtfulness. And I am humbled that He chose me - on this day - to give a surprise to.

Expect something from God today and see what He does!

What is Love?

2010-04-11T20:52:00.003-05:00

Really, what is love? I feel like I need to break out into that song tonight because it expresses everything I want to say right now but don't know how.

In Bible study tonight I was hit with a few eye opening moments that relate to my situation right now.

1. Love keeps no records of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13 speaks nothing but about love and what it is and isn't. Today, even before I was hit with that passage, I knew that I knew - that I love him. And that made matters worse. Because if truth be told, it would be so much easier to realize that I really did not love him at all - that it was nice, yes, but it was not love. Alas, that was not the case. So when I came home tonight and found a dozen roses on my door step with a card that simply read "I'm Sorry" I began to sob like a baby to the point of physically getting ill. Mainly because - I don't know how to respond. This man I love never tells me he is sorry - and he chooses this moment to express those powerful words. Words that heal. Words that comfort. Whether you're wrong or right - they are powerful. But how do you express to someone that - this is my heart you're dealing with and you've pierced it deeply. You cut me, you cut me deep (okay so thats an inside joke - even though its quite real).

2. I am a stepping stone for God. That is all I am and everything that I am all in one. Every moment of my life should be lived to further His kingdom. And so in looking at my current situation...I asked myself "Have you been a stepping stone in his life?" "Have you left a mark on his life for God that cannot be erased?" I pray I have. I pray that each day he would forget more and more the hurtful things of the past because of the love I poured into his life. I pray each day he would see himself more and more as the child of God than the negative thoughts he has of himself because of the postive things I try to instill in him. But if truth be told, I have no clue. I do know that I tried to love him with everything I was. I tried to give of myself with no holding back even though at moments I called myself a fool for doing so. At times I'm sure I've been guarded, for fear of getting hurt. But each day I tried to give a nugget of love that was lasting - hopefully I succeeded.

So what is love?
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resonding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have no love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Pictures from Cancun

2010-03-30T19:49:00.004-05:00

What Are You Afraid Of?

2010-02-26T11:13:00.003-06:00

The past two weeks I have been fighting an inward battle. There have been hurtful events this year that have caused emotions to rise up from deep within that I'd rather suppress. I'd rather act like they weren't there because the honest truth is - they are ugly and foul and not very becoming. I've tried ignoring them. I've tried covering them up with a smile. I've tried pretending the events never happened. But they did and the emotions are real.

And so this week, God in all His wisdom uncovered them. He slowly started at the edge of the band-aid....and then ripped it off! It started with a question from my mother and ended with me vehemently spewing words of anger and bitterness out of my mouth. I was shocked! I thought it was under control. I thought I had accepted this fate. I even prayed blessings for this one that caused a hurt so deep. Really, I should have been okay, right? And so I prayed some more. Then God brought another unsuspecting bystander along, who was simply making conversation. And I lost it. I unloaded a hurt on an innocent one. And so I was wrong. Very wrong. I was no okay.

So choosing a moment that was completely uncomfortable to me - choosing a moment where I was surrounded by many (by my standards) God spoke 5 simply words to me through Beth Moore. Beth overwhelms me with knowing what to say at exactly the right time. Her question was: What are you afraid of? (those are not the 5 words - hang in there with me) I sat there and pondered - what exactly am I afraid of? I knew it was something, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I've said it a million times when asked that question, but for whatever reason it had left me. And then she spoke the one nasty word - Failure. Fear of failing God. Fear of failing those around me. Fear of failing myself. I realized at that moment that the fear of failing someone had come to pass, but it didn't end there. I felt as if someone had failed me. Then He said it: "I will never fail you." And the dam broke. The tears I was holding back could be held back no more. They were streaming down my face. My nose was running. And the more I tried to hold back, the more the tears came. I was sobbing. I was broken. And God said, "But, My Love, I will not fail you." "Stop depending on people - and depend on me."

Joshua 1:9 Be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

How stubborn we are that we have to go through such heart wrenching moments to hear what our Father is saying? It really must just be me.

Touched

2010-01-21T15:55:00.006-06:00

There are days when I feel as if every moment passes by and nothing special has happened. Its an everyday kind of day that neither thrills nor depresses, but just IS. And then there are days that are enveloped with little surprises or miracles that can take your breath away. They are the moments that are least expected and maybe never even dreamed. Yet for whatever reason, God graces you with a moment that will touch your heart.

Last night I had a moment. It was a moment that may not seem like much to most, but to me it was touching. And even now I'm left nearly speechless as to how I felt. As we sat down to eat, the Boyfriend (whose name will remain nameless because he really may not want his name splashed on the internet) muted the t.v. and asked, shall we pray? ...... That's it.

You're probably thinking, What? Are you serious? Is all this special moment crap really about a blessing over dinner? And the answer is, Yes. For me, it was a moment. He didn't know he was about to create a moment, but it was he who pricked my heart with joy and hope and love. And so right there at dinner, I felt blessed (for a number of reasons I'll keep to myself). So, to the Boyfriend, thank you. xoxox

The moments are there if we will only take the time to view life a little differently than we did the day before.

"There are only two ways to live your life. One as though nothing is a miracle. The other as if everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein

God Works With What He's Got...

2010-01-04T13:46:00.002-06:00

Today I came across this in an email. So many times we look at our lives and what we are or are not and figure God can't use us - much less love us. Why we look at ourselves through human eyes is beyond me - especially in light of the fact that God only looks at us through eyes of love. Next time you're down on yourself and how you don't think you "measure up" to what God expects - think on this....

The next time you think God can't you use you, just remember.....
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a studdering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijiah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ucler
And Lazarus was dead!

Kind of gives you hope, huh?

Let It Go

2009-12-02T17:59:00.004-06:00

When is it time to let go and when is it time to keep pressing on? You truly never know what life has in store for you - or better yet, what God has in store for you. When you lose something or someone dear to you - do you let it go or do you press on until you get it back? I don't have the answer to that. I wish I did because I have lost someone so dear to me and its tearing me up inside. I'm sure those closest to me can see it but I've tried to keep my head held high. But at night, when its just me and the stillness - I'm broken. I'm troubled with doubt and confusion and hurt and anger....and just wish I'd wake up from the bad dream and everything be okay again. But its not a bad dream...its my life - and its real.

When I first lost my dear friend this was sent to me....yet I'm having a hard time embracing it and letting go. How do you just "let go" of someone and something so dear? How do you say "okay God, I give it to you" when it seemed so right? This isn't the first time something like this has happened and though you would think it would get easier - it is not. It is sad and depressing and is breaking me to the core. But here it is...maybe this time something will click and I can accept what has been lost.

Letting Go

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this - When people can walk away from you: let them walk!

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. You destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be manifest that they were not for us. For had they been for us, no doubt they would have continued with us. 1 John 2:19

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you cannot make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.

And you've got to know when a persons part of the story is over so you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when its dead.

You've got to know when its over. Let me tell you something...I've got the gift of good-bye. Its the 10th spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. Its not that I'm hateful, its that I'm faithful and I know that whatever God means for me to have, He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...

Let it Go!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...

Let it Go!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back and see your worth...

Let it Go!

If someone has angered you...

Let It Go!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of anger or revenge...

Let It Go!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...

Let It Go!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs and talents...

Let It Go!

If you have a bad attitude...

Let It Go!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...

Let It Go!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...

Let It Go!

If you're struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...

Let It Go!

If you're trying to help someone that won't even try to help themselves...

Let It Go!

If you're feeling stressed and depressed...

Let It Go!

If there is a situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take yours hands off of it", then you need to...

Let it Go!

The Battle Is The Lords!

Ask And You Shall Receive....

2009-06-20T19:16:00.002-05:00

When we pray do we actually expect an answer from God? Do we actually mean what we're asking? How do we react when He does answer and its not in the way we quite expected. I'll be the first to admit that I may get my feelings hurts. I may pout and be a little pissy for a while. But when I actually sit and look at what He's doing - its worth it. Shouldn't we know He always has our best interest at hand?

Recently I've prayed about something and I haven't actually gotten an answer. But I keep telling myself - Regardless of the outcome He is in control. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Maybe God is waiting to see what I'll do in the waiting period. Will I get impatient and try to work it out in my strength or will I trust in His plans? Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T19:40:00.003-05:00

I'd just like to say a quick Happy Mother's Day to my Mother and all the other moms out there. Through the years my mom has been loving, even when I may not have been most agreeable. Thank you, Mom. I'll always love you!

Our House, Is a Very Very Very Fine House

2009-05-03T23:43:00.001-05:00

The house has been painted and it looks great. Just thought I'd share!

Kentucky Derby Party 2009

2009-05-03T23:36:00.002-05:00

So this past Saturday my Sunday School class had a Kentucky Derby Party...so much fun. I was the only person that actually "dressed" the part, but I didn't care. If I was going to wear a big fancy hat I was going to dress up too. Anyway, here are a few picture of our day.

Happy Birthday to My Best Friend, JULIE!!!

2009-04-16T11:40:00.000-05:00

I won't tell them how old you are.

Tea Anyone?

2009-04-16T08:43:00.003-05:00

So yesterday was the great Anti-Tax Tea Party...well several around the country were held. Since yesterday was a complete blur I didn't get to see how it was received. This morning I read this article: Anti-tax "tea parties" being held across the U.S. and one part stood out to me.

Before I go any farther I really want to ask a question....Does anyone LISTEN to what Obama says? I'm really being serious here because what he SAYS and what he DOES rarely coincides yet so many are fooled into believing this man is for "the people". And yet everyday I get viewed as a raciest or bitter because I don't agree with this man. Does anyone actually SEE what horrible things he has done since he has been in office? Everyone, including Obama, wants to put the blame on Bush (BTW, Bush warned of a falling economy in 2002- but no one remembers that, hummm) for all the bad that is going on instead of taking responsibility and owning it.

Okay so this is the part that stood out to me the most:
Obama acknowledged the protests. "For too long, we've seen taxes used as a wedge to scare people into supporting policies that increased the burden on working people instead of helping them live their dreams," he said. "That has to change, and that's the work that we've begun."

Did I just read that? "that's the work that we've begun." WHAT? Why does he think these people are HAVING these tea parties? Not because of the great changes that have taken place but because of the HORRIBLE CHANGES!!!!!!!!! But so many people are sitting back and thinking he totally agrees. WAKE UP PEOPLE! QUIT BEING SHEEP! LISTEN FOR YOURSELF! The proof is in the results....and I hate to break it it you - MY GRANDCHILDREN WILL BE PAYING FOR OBAMA'S 'CHANGE'.

I'm disgusted.

I'm So Excited And I Just Can't Hide It...

2009-03-26T15:21:00.000-05:00

I have officially been acceptted into the dental hygiene program!!!! YAY me! I'm so glad I'm not going to have to take other measures to get in. The honest way is always the best! (hahaha)

I will be starting in the fall. I know the next few months will probably fly by since I have so many things I need to get taken care of. Thats the way things go isn't it?

Anyway to all who have prayed for me - thank you. Please continue to pray that I get the loan money I need to live on while in school.

2012....Will You Ever Get Here?

2009-03-20T17:10:00.002-05:00

After the "President's" remark about his bowling abilities looking like the "Special Olympics or something" - that is my exact thought. In all fairness I have to admit....I've said things like that a time or two. I've even called people retarded. BUT I'm never going to run for President (as many give a sign of relief).

When will we get someone in office that has some class? When will we get someone in office that truly has a heart for all the American People? When will we get a President in office that cares more about the welfare of our country than picking his bracket for the NCAA?

Am I the only person that feels this way? Of course there are those of you that feel sorry for poor Obama and think .... ' he's a regular guy too you know'.... I hate to point this out but it looks as if I must. If he wanted to be a regular guy he shouldn't have ran for President. If he wanted to be a regular guy he should have continued to be a community organizer. But the fact of the matter is he DID run for President of the United States and is now one of the most powerful people in the world....HE IS NOT A REGULAR GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so tired of hearing people make excuses for him. If thats all he's good for is giving people reason to make up excuses then why in GOD'S NAME DID YOU VOTE FOR HIM?!?!?!?!?! (ummm, yes, I said YOU because I my friend did NOT vote for him - I still have the sign in my yard to prove it!!!) Don't we all have better things to do with our time than make us excuses????

And my last little rant will be this....For those of you that continue to think I'm a bitter b*^%@# - I'm just wondering - what would you have said had President Bush made the same remark???? Do we have a Double Standard for a trillion dollars Alex????

Is It Me....

2009-03-14T22:45:00.001-05:00

Or is everyone getting married???

After many, many weeks I figured it was time to make a post. Life has been busy. School has taken over my life and I am officially wore out. I will definitely be glad when this semester is over. I finished Anatomy and Physiology I with an "A" and have started A&P II. I sent off my Dental Hygiene application and have already been called back for an interview (pray I do well). And with a little kick in the rear, hopefully my Nutrition Instructor will get his act together!

But in the middle of all my hustle and bustle I have found one common thread among me....everyone is getting married. I can't tell you the number of people in my singles Sunday school class that are "tying the knot". Even Jane Green recently got married (Congrats Jane!!!).

Despite every effort, I'm starting to feel a bit of pressure as I inch (faster and faster though I try to drag my feet) toward the big 3-0. The fact of the matter is there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I can do to change the fact that I'm single. And the one question that keeps going through my mind is...."Are you even ready to get married?" I have no idea what that answer might even be. Yes, I'd love to find the perfect man for me....but even if he were to show up tomorrow would I be ready? Would I be ready in a month? Or six months? Or even a year? Is anyone ever really ready at all for marriage?

Even though I'm about to be 30 I sometimes feel as if I'm still a little girl. I feel as if I have a million things I have to and want to accomplish before anyone steps into my little picture. I feel as if there is so mach that God has to work in me before anyone steps on the scene.

So am I ready? Nah. Despite all the pressure I put on myself I feel this time is for me. Lord, knows once I do finally get married I'll never be able to say that again. So in the words of Gregory - 2009 is Mine!

Why Do We Wait Until It's Too Late?

2009-02-05T19:24:00.000-06:00

This week a friend of mine lost her father. He has been sick for quite some time, but she could never be prepared for the impact of his death. Last night she read me a letter she wrote to him after he passed away. In it she said things that she never said to him in person. Things she felt were too cheesy to voice. Things she felt he wouldn't understand. Emotions from the heart that really can't be put into words.

Hearing her words got me thinking. Why do we wait until it's too late? Why do we not say the things that really need to be said? Why do we not express the love that overflows our hearts? Why do we not express the emotions we hold inside regardless of how difficult it may be?

Is it because of pride? Is it because of not being able to find the words? Or possibly it is because of past hurts, that we can't get past long enough to express the joy, the love, the admiration, the honor we feel for our loved one's.

Whatever it is, I wish it weren't so. I wish we all didn't wait until it was too late to say the things that we hold under lock and key deep in our hearts. I'll be the first to admit my guilt for not speaking the treasures I keep hidden in my heart. But today, listening to my friend read the words she could never express to her dad, it makes me want to try to move past my fears to ensure I don't regret saying the things that need to be said before it's too late.

Now Working For the Food Network....

2009-02-01T20:38:00.000-06:00

Last night The Southern Gentleman (who Julie and I are thinking of naming Big Papa) took Julie and I to Ruth Chris. It was our first time there. Being big fans of BR Prime we weren't too sure what to expect, but we were pleasantly surprised. Big Papa seems to know everyone in every social circle. He introduced us to people that probably didn't care to know either one of us, but it made for an interesting night. He then started telling everyone we were both from the Food Network and that created a big laugh. Of course there were a few eyebrows raised, but most knew he was pulling their leg.

Both Julie and I got the special that included a small fillet and stuffed lobster with sides of potatoes and mushrooms. Can you say DELICIOUS? Then Big Papa forced us to try the banana pudding. It was baked in a pastry shell and the top was caramelized. Very delish.

Anyway, just wanted to give a big thank you to Big Papa. Your kindness and hospitality know no end. We love you!

Diary of a Mad Massage Therapist Vol.4

2009-02-01T13:14:00.001-06:00

14. Refrain from propositioning your massage therapist! We're not flattered. It's not cute. It's not funny. It actually makes you look like a complete idiot and we're going to tell EVERYONE we know what an ass you are.

What would you do if someone actually said:
"Come on Texas Girl, don't be shy - Make a man out of me - I'm a big tipper"?
(for those of you who do not know...I grew up in Texas)

Well those were the exact words that came out of the mouth of a current client (aka moron!) of mine.

Do men actually believe that all women want to handle their private parts? Do they think that if given the opportunity we would just be honored to 'service' (for a lack of better words) them? If I didn't think I would have lost my job I probably would have punched him in the nether region. I wanted to let him know that he wasn't in the Best Little Whore House in Texas but in a legitimate spa and salon. I wanted to ask him to hold that thought while I went and talked to his wife. Quite honestly, I wanted to chop his dick off. Nonetheless (believe it or not), I kept my cool, ignored his 'offer' and got his ass out of my room as quickly as possible.

So for those of you that think its okay to proposition a massage therapist please refrain. I promise there will be therapists that will not be as nice. (And learn a little of bit of respect while you're at it!)

Callaway Gardens - Pine Mountain, Georgia

2009-01-30T05:22:00.005-06:00

If anyone is looking for a little getaway, Callaway Gardens is definitely the place to go. They have a lodge, hotel, cottages, condos, and villas (and in the hotel aka Mountain Inn you can take your pets - SugarBaby and SweetPea were thrilled). However you want to spend your stay you'll find something great. The highlight of my stay was the Butterfly Observatory. I actually saw butterflies emerging from their cocoons. It was just incredible to walk around in a large open space and see them flying around you. Unfortunately we went on a cloudy day so they weren't as active as usual, but there were a few rebels out and about. They have plenty of hiking/nature trails. Nature is definitely all around. Of course the gardens weren't in bloom, but everything was still beautiful. Anyway, it was nice and peaceful. Plenty to do and just peaceful enough if you don't want to do anything at all (by the way, they have a spa!)

Am I Really ADHD Or Do I Have Too Much Energy?

2009-01-29T01:11:00.003-06:00

1:28 a.m.

I know its been quite some time since I've made a post. However, this New Year has started out to be quite uneventful. I'm taking a couple of classes this semester (which I'm maintaining my "A's" of course) and I went to Callaway Gardens last week (which I will post pictures of soon - I hope). But all in all, everything has been quite calm despite our President thinking giving his first interview as President to an Arab network is better than to the nation that actually ELECTED him (don't take my word for it - read it for yourself - article).

Yet tonight, I cannot sleep. This week has been the first in (I would dare to say) months that I've had insomnia. In November I started working out on a regular basis. This week, I have not. Not because I'm lazy, but because I'm quite sick (the doctor is worried about me - kidding - just a little inside joke). I have some sort of sinusitis and it has me completely thrown off. I don't like being sick. I know its not as if anyone does, but I rarely get sick. And when I do it doesn't make for a good patient. I'm usually cranky and love pity parties. But today I sucked it up, went to the doctor and got a shot that is supposed to make me feel better (hopefully soon).

But all of this has gotten me thinking: Do I really have ADHD or do I just have a lot of pent up energy? The fact of the matter is that even when working out I can't seem to sit still for long. But this week of sickness has me all wired even though I should be resting. I can't seem to sit still for 5 minutes, much less the 15 I'm generally so proud of. I lay in bed and my mind is racing. This isn't abnormal, but this week I can't fall asleep despite it. This week I just lay there. My eye open wide. I'm not even tired. I haven't actually "rested" the entire time I've been sick (maybe the reason I can't get better). But I can't seem to stop. My mind...my body will not rest. Sitting here I feel my eye lids getting heavy, but the moment I crawl back into bed will their light switch automatically be thrown back on, or will my weary bones get some rest? Should I sit here in my chair and try to fall asleep sitting up or do I risk walking back to bed (just to wake myself up, no doubt)?

This has me a bit dumbfounded. I knew the exercise was helping, but until now I didn't know to what extent. I do know the moment I feel better I will be back at the gym...and back to getting some rest!

Night!

Happy New Year...Welcome 2009

2008-12-31T19:32:00.003-06:00

I don't know about you, but I gladly welcome 2009. This year has been a year of complete ups and downs. But, I have to fill all of you in on a miracle just in time for the New Year. For those of you who have been praying for Lirio, Thank you. She is healed. I found out today that she has been released from the hospital. Right now she is in a neurological rehab dealing with quite a bit of pain, but getting better each day. I am so amazed at the awesomeness (is that even a word?) of God. Here is a girl that was shot in the face and lost brain matter just a few weeks ago and now is able to talk, text, and move around. God is still in the business of doing miracles. What a way to break in the New Year!

So what are you doing tonight? Me, I'll be in bed by 9:30 P.M. Exciting stuff here I tell ya. But here is to the New Year and new opportunities. Cheers!

P.S. By the way, here is my new haircut. Hope you like it!

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

2008-12-25T20:15:00.005-06:00

And Merry Christmas to all. Today was peaceful and full of joy, just as every Christmas should be. Here are a few pictures from my day. I hope everyone had a great day filled with as much peace and joy as I did.

What Is On Your Heart Tonight?

2008-12-24T23:09:00.002-06:00

It happens to all of us. We get so wrapped up in the gifts, parties, decorations, etc., etc., etc. that we get our focus off of what is really important. Sometimes its even the church traditions that can get in the way.

Tonight I went to Midnight Mass with the Sawyer Family. This is something I've always wanted to do. Since I can remember I've loved the idea of spending Christmas Eve(ning) participating in Catholic Mass. Not being Catholic I really have never known how Midnight Mass works. Apparently Midnight Mass isn't REALLY at midnight. A few years back I decided I was going to go and showed up at the church around midnight. Needless to say I was the only one in the parking lot. Can you say embarrassed? Confused? Disappointed?

But tonight it wasn't the words or the music or the communion that made the night special. It was the incredible reminder that Jesus became the Light in a dark world. There is nothing that we could ever do to bring light into the world, but God loved us so much that He gave us that Light. And with that Light, He bridged the gap that sin created so we could have open communion. We can approach our Father's throne boldly and at any time.

So tonight, my heart is forever grateful and thankful for the birth of Jesus, my Saviour.

What is on your heart tonight?

Christmas Time Is Here, Happiness and Cheer

2008-12-22T00:08:00.003-06:00

Isn't it funny how you can meet some of the greatest people when you least expect it? This weekend I had a little Christmas "get together". I invited a few co-workers and friends. Unfortunately not too many showed, but fortunately the ones that counted did. In that group of friends, I invited a friend from my Chemistry class. I've never met her. We only chatted online (since Chemistry was an online course). This person that helped me get through the semester with an 'A' had to be at least decent. I figured inviting her and her husband could show a bit of gratitude for all her help. But she wasn't decent.....she was so much more. She and her husband were two very down to earth people that I instantly connected with. We laughed about anything and everything from ADHD drugs (Cash, let me know how they work!) to finger cots (hope they fit) to human skulls (you really had to be there) to the champagne of beers (as if I would know anything about that). Afterwards I told her my best friend and I rarely got out because we like to surround ourselves with people that are full of joy and love to laugh, but most people disappoint us because they just aren't as funny as us! She said they felt the same way.

God really does bless us when we least expect it, but probably when we need it the most. I'm not saying that I've felt down and out (quite the opposite for a change). And really I wouldn't say that I need it (although I'm ready for any blessing God sees fit for me!). But God knows things we don't.

Here are a few pictures from the party. I didn't take very many because I was too busy laughing!

This is Julie's Trainer....

2008-12-14T21:19:00.002-06:00

I'm a bit jealous!

Please Pray Immediately....

2008-12-13T18:42:00.000-06:00

A family needs your prayers tonight.

My friend's brother is in the military and recently came back from Iraq. Last week his wife asked him to clean up a mess that their puppy made and spank him. He then beat the puppy to death and ripped him to pieces with his hands. Obviously something is wrong with this young man. Its sad enough that our troops have to see the things they have to see in Iraq, but even worse that they don't receive any help when they get back.

Last week his wife served him with divorce papers. This week he shot his wife (her name is Lidio) in the head. Lidio is holding on. She is in critical condition, but her body is still strong. When she comes to, she wakes up fighting. She has lost some brain matter, but we are believing God for a miracle. Lidio's mother is believing God for a miracle. We are standing on the promise of God that if you honor your father and your mother (which Lidio has) your days will be long.

God IS still in the business of doing miracles, we just have to give Him the chance. WE ARE BELIEVING! Please PRAY!

Looking for a Fire to Add to Your Christmas?

2008-12-04T10:15:00.002-06:00

Today, as I was reading Jane Green's Blog, I was reminded of the wonderful holiday event that happened when I was in the fifth grade.

My uncle has been known to build the largest, warmest fires there are. So much so one year (a few days before Christmas no doubt) we were having a family Christmas party. So my uncle goes down to the entertainment room where the fireplace is and starts a fire. A few hours later our house went up in smoke. Yes…it burned down. LOL It’s funny now, but trust me it was not then. We can’t blame the house burning down solely on him (there was a crack in the fireplace we were unaware of), but it makes the story more interesting that way! Poor Uncle James Ray. He'll forever be blamed for burning our house down.

It's Official....

2008-12-04T08:16:00.005-06:00

I'm done with classes this semester. I didn't do as well as I would have hoped on all my Chemistry assignments, but I did walk away with an "A". (I know, what was I crying about then?) I can only credit that to the extra credit that was given to us, otherwise I would have made "B".

So now I can rest and enjoy the Christmas season by indulging in the Polar Express around the clock. It has to be the greatest Christmas movie. I know it's not a classic, but the book has been my favorite since elementary school. When I heard there was going to be a Polar Express movie I was more than thrilled, but also nervous that they would ruin the entire thing for me. But alas, Tom Hanks works his brilliant magic and makes everything wonderful.

Children around the world (including my nephew and niece) start watching this movie around the clock around the beginning of November. It takes mad skills to keep a child captivated for that long. And though I consider myself an old soul, the child inside cannot resist the telling of this Polar Express story.

Thanksgiving Week Comes to an End....

2008-11-30T16:10:00.010-06:00

And I am ever so thankful. Even though so much joy comes from the holidays it throws everything off balance. My work schedule changes. The store hours change. People are away from home. I'm well aware that change is good....but I'm of the belief that stability is BETTER! There is just absolutely too much disruption in change (this could be why I'm not a huge fan of Obama...then again...I'm probably just not a fan period). I like knowing what is going on around me. I like knowing what to expect each day. The only change I really tend to like is the changing of the leaves...which I must boast a bit here and say....we have had the most beautiful colors in our leaves this year. But then I hate to see the leaves actually falling off. If they would just keep changing from red to orange to yellow and then back to green I would be content. But they don't. They die and fall off.

But this was a good week. We celebrated SweetPea's 3rd Birthday (My baby is growing up! *tear*)

I finished decorating the mantel. And Julie and I spent Thanksgiving Dinner with the wonderful couple, Rebecca and Dwight. Thanksgiving really hasn't been the same since my parents moved back to Texas and really since Hurricane Katrina. But this Thanksgiving seemed like a turning point. Unfortunately Rebecca and Dwight will be moving to California soon...so we won't be able to crash their house again next year. But it was nice to be back in the Thanksgiving mood.

And so as we come down from the turkey high I know we're all gearing up for the Christmas parties, presents, family, etc. It's so easy to forget the important things in the hustle and bustle. I wish it weren't, but we all find ourselves not spending the quality time together that we need too, or not praying and reading our bible like we should. So I'm trying to keep in mind, God has been so good to me. I've managed to stay sane while working in an insane environment, to get through this semester (let's pray I pass Chemistry), find a church where I'm challenged on a weekly basis, and keep a best friend despite all my shortcomings. I'd say those are the important things. Since God has been so good to me, why can I not be good to Him? That's what He wants above all else. That's the present He asks for. Just a little time. Just a little love. Just our entire hearts and lives. That isn't asking so much in light of what He has done for us.

May each day this next month remind both you and me of God's Love.

Thank God Chemistry is More Than Just a Class....And Thank God for His Son

2008-11-25T09:46:00.000-06:00

So, I have one week left in Chemistry. Will I pass? I have no clue yet. I'm still trudging along, barely hanging on by my fingertips. Why does it have to be so complicated? I'm convinced that my teacher is the problem. Well, that and the fact that I'm taking the class online. But even though I'm in panic mode trying to make sure I at least PASS this last chapter, I know it'll be okay. Even if I don't pass, I can take it again.

Where is all this optimism coming from? I don't know. It could be that I started my day off right. I went to the gym and got an hour of cardio in and then went with my new gym partner "Bob" to mass. Yes, Mass. (is it supposed to be capitalized...I think probably so) Now I'm probably the farthest thing from Catholic, but I have to admit I have great admiration for the Catholic faith. I won't say I agree with everything that I know right now, but there is much I do agree on. I'm so amazed and maybe even a little jealous that these people get to go to church nearly everyday if they so choose. Being on the Protestant side we only have church on Sundays and Wednesdays. And even then, so many churches have done away with a Wednesday service. But how great to be able to wake up and go to church and take communion? That's another thing...how great it is to take communion everyday! Some may say that the importance of it may wear off, but why? How awesome to be able to start your day by breaking bread with God and consuming Him?!? (I know, so many don't believe we actually consumed the body of Christ...I won't even get into that) How awesome to be reminded on a daily basis that His body was broken - just for me. That His blood was shed - just for me. There is power in that, don't you think? Unfortunately because I'm not Catholic, I'm not allowed to take communion with them. But I still went up and allowed the Deacon (Father was out of town) to bless me. There weren't stars and there wasn't this warm feeling that came over me, but when I went back to my seat I asked God to guide me and do with me what He wants and not what I want. I allowed myself to be humbled before Him. And it was just something I needed. I think I'll go again. Don't worry Mom, I'm not converting.

So in ending: May the Lord be with you.....And also with you!

December Is That You?

2008-11-13T04:23:00.004-06:00

Can anyone tell me where the time has gone? Is Thanksgiving really in only two weeks and is Christmas really only in six? I won't say it seems just like yesterday was Christmas, but it does seem like it was only yesterday!

It used to seem like you had so much time to accomplish so much within a year. Each year you set all these wonderful goals for yourself that generally aren't attainable but you do it anyway. And right now I'm wondering (Already??? I know I know) if I've grown, if I've accomplished much, and what my new goals may be. Maybe I've been so wrapped up in trying to sell my house that I've overlooked the things that really matter. So in looking back over this year I'm already seeing a few things I didn't do that I wish I would have done. But, I'm also seeing some great accomplishments (that seem to all have been done within the past couple of months oddly enough) that I'm more than estatic about. So what might they be?

Need to get to:
1. Photography
2. Losing weight
3. Studying my Bible more
4. Sending my hair off to Locks of Love (I'm getting there, I promise!)

Accomplishments:
1. Living Room Floor
2. Kitchen Updates
3. Starting to Cook (*gasp* Lord, say it ain't so!)
4. Voting and paying attention to the political world around me (Although, ignorance really is bliss. I really hate the fact that I know what I know now. I hate that I can't undo all that has now made residence in my head. I hate that no one really knows the direction our country is heading (except God of course). And I hate that I now care. Go ahead, be appaulled that I would say such a thing.)
5. Cut my hair (I really have to get that sent off to Locks of Love - SO SORRY ABOUT THAT!)
6. Building a closer relationship with my brother. Oh, how age changes things!
7. Started back to church once I FINALLY (Thank you, Lord) got Sundays off from work.

So I guess, all in all, I've done pretty well this year. Not as great as I would have liked, but better than expectted - especially since I didn't really set any goals for myself this year. God really is good!

My New Living Room Floor

2008-11-10T13:07:00.002-06:00

Sometimes in life you just have to let go and say "okay". That's exactly how I'm feeling about being here in Biloxi. I don't like it. It's not growing on me. But I'm here and I might was well get used to it. I'm still going to apply for the dental hygiene program in North Carolina. I'm still going to keep taking my pre-reqs. But my house hasn't sold yet. The market sucks. And so this is where I am. Last month (or was it longer...I don't have any concept of time anymore) I renovated the kitchen. This weekend my wonderful, selfless, best friend helped me put in a new floor. Do not be fooled into thinking this was easy. It wasn't. It took 12 hours of bending over wood panels, trying to "pop" them into place (yeah right), tapping the sides, tapping the pull bar, making sure everything was seamless....and it is :o) What else would you expect from two perfectionists? This was our first try at something like this and I have to say we have (with the help of God no doubt) succeeded. So here are a few pictures of the lovely floor. No more carpet in the living room for me. You would think with all the projects I've been doing I'd love it here and want to stay for the rest of my life. My house...Yes. This city....No. But again, I might as well rest in the fact that I'm here and just enjoy it as much as possible. Whether God moves me from here next year, or the next, or the next, at least I'll be happy with my house. I'm can already hear my best friend as she reads this post saying...."LORD PLEASE...let this be the last project!"

Change Begins

2008-11-05T11:04:00.003-06:00

This is a post from Frontline Worship's, Matt Poole. I believe he said what everyone needs to hear today, whether your party won or lost last night. Think about it. Let it sink in. I'm doing the same.

Change begins...

"The Hope of True Change" The elections are right around the corner…geeze. I don't know about you but I am about "politic-ed" out. How many Polls, Surveys, Focus Studies, News Specials, Debates, Interviews, Behind the Scenes Stories, Conventions, TV Ads, Radio Ads, Yard Signs, Street Signs & Bumper Stickers can there possibly be? Gimme a break! It's like watching a 3 month tennis match or better yet… a never ending boxing match where each person get to take head shots at the other and the audience expects them both (bloodied and bruised) to smile and act as if nothing bothers them. It's kind of crazy.

Most historians agree that there's been more intense debate during this election than any other in recent memory and those debates from both candidates have all been centered around this word… "CHANGE!" Regardless what side of the fence you're on in this election, change is coming to our country. Everyone wants it. Everyone wants the war to end. Everyone wants the economy better. Everyone wants health-care in on form or another. Everyone wants a fresh start. Everyone wants… Everyone wants… Everyone wants… Hummmm a consistent theme. Everyone wants.

I think it's very important for us to look at this subject of change. But if you really look at it, "Everyone wants" the government to make changes… so we don't have to. Honestly, have you ever seen so many people (Christian or otherwise) who want some law saying they can do what they want? I think we have to look a little closer to home to find the change we're asking for.

Several years ago I heard a very wise preacher talk about the influence of drugs and alcohol on our society. He pointed out that even though drugs have laws making them illegal and alcohol has age limit laws, these are still rampant problems in our society. Then he made this statement, "The reason for this is because no matter what the law says, as long as the heart of man is corrupt, people will always find a way to do these things." Did you catch that? "…the heart of man…" Not the heart of the government or anyone on the outside; the heart of man. I believe its time to stop looking for change in the Presidential hopefuls who are making the people of our great country a ton of promises... We can't control them. What we can control is us. The next time you look in a mirror, realize that's where true "Change" begins... in you.

Nina and the team wrote a song for a production we did this past year called "Something's gotta change" and we posted it up on our MySpace for you to hear because it's going to be on the new CD. Some of the words to the song are…

"Something's gotta change in me… in me… in me
I gotta stop making excuses it's not getting me anywhere
As I make a move I feel the change I can't believe that it's all it takes
Moving along makes a difference taking a chance getting started"

God calls us to change all the time. He wants you to grow forward. He wants you to stop worrying about what you can't change and worry about what you CAN change. Don't stress in the middle of the craziness of this election or even if it doesn't turn out how you might like. Washington will do what Washington will do. You on the other hand, have the ability to change yourself and that will start through prayer and express itself in worship. I encourage you to hit up the MySpace page and listen to that song. Let it resonate in your heart and mind. Yes it's a nice melody and great harmony, but the hope of true change is Freedom! Consider this passage from 1 Peter 3:9:

"God isn't late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn't want anyone lost. He's giving everyone space and time to change." emphasis mine - 1 Peter 3:9 Message Bible

That's the change we need. He's providing an opportunity for us to change. Notice it doesn't say God will change you. He is giving you the grace of time and opportunity so you can make the necessary changes in your life of serving Him. Don't stress. Don't worry. Most of you probably already know what has to change in you and if you don't God will tell you when you ask Him. Free yourself. Change your life. Decide today. (oh my gosh they all sound like campaign slogans…they're in my head aaahhhhhhhh) Detox from the society mindset of "Everyone wants…" and ask, "What does God need me to Change?" Pray Honestly. Worship Wholeheartedly. Change begins with you. Until next time…

Matt Poole

Get Ready

2008-11-04T23:16:00.006-06:00

Today as I was praying for our country and for the direction we would move in, this verse came to mind:

2 Chronicles 7:14
If My people, who are called by My name, shall humble themselves, pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land.

This election has been long and hard. We have had ups and downs. We have had hope and fear. I will not deny that our country electing a black man as President is a great thing. I believe it shows that people are becoming more and more colorblind. However, I still stand to believe that this man, is not the man I would like to see take that position.

Tonight I felt something so strongly that it broke my heart. It occurred to me...God spoke it to my heart...whatever you want to call it.....but I felt so strongly that God cannot bring our nation back to our knees with McCain as our President (its a sobering thought if you think about it). I don't know if you're aware of how far gone from God our nation is....but we are so far beyond what people want to realize. When we think that a man that speaks well is good for our country we are too far gone. When we believe in a man that thinks its okay to kill babies (not just in the first trimester, or the second, or even the third....try letting a baby - that was delivered - live for 30 minutes then allowing that baby to die) is okay we are too far gone. When we elect a man into office thats believes its okay to take from hardworkers to give to those that do nothing we are too far gone (doesn't the Bible say if you don't work you don't eat????).

My pastor spoke about Haggai about a month ago. Read it. It seems as if the same exact thing is occuring in our nation. Until we realize we have put God on the back burner and begin to humble ourselves He cannot and will not move. Our God is a jealous God and we as a nation have given Him every reason to believe He is no longer wanted here. Does that not break your heart? Does it not make you want to cry out to Him and beg and plead for Him not to remove His hand from our nation? Does it not make you want to fall on your face and repent and beg for mercy? Despite being unfaithful to Him so many times, does it not make you want to ask for Him to remain faithful to us?

For so many this election was about change. We felt as if President Bush let us down and we were so fearful of having the same with Senator McCain. We listened to all the hype Obama gave us about tax cuts and they sounded so appealling in a failing economy. But my friend, this was not an election about change, or rebelling against our current leader, or hope of a better economy. This election was about the direction our country would go. This man you have put in office stands for nothing but the word change. More times than not when voting, this man you have elected mearly voted "present". He asked you to get out and show your support by voting for him, but so many times all he would do would vote "present". WoW. Well, when you put it that way, Liberty, it doesn't sound too good. Huh.

People, all I can say is, Get Ready. It will not be fun. It will not be easy. It will not be Godly. If I'm wrong, may I eat my own words....but it will only be by the grace of God.

Autumn

2008-10-30T13:46:00.005-05:00

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." - George Eliot

What is it about Autumn that we love so much? Is it the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin? Is it the idea that family gatherings are drawing near? Is it the desire to envelope yourself in the duvet and curl up with a good book? Maybe its that time of year where it makes it okay to drink hot chocolate again. I can't pinpoint what it is for me exactly. I love the coolness in the air. I love warmth in the smells and colors. I love the excuse to be lazy and walk around the house in my pj's and footies. I love that my puppies come to me to put their sweaters on because they are already getting cold before winter even gets here.

But the one thing that I don't love is the remembrance of the past. I don't know why autumn reminds me of the past, but it does. I'm more of a dreamer. I focus on the future more than anything (even to a fault), but lately its been the past that has been sneaking up on me. Successes. Failures. Things unsaid. Things said that shouldn't have been said. Good times and bad.

Maybe Thomas Wolfe said it best when he said "Then summer fades and passes and October comes. We'll smell smoke then, and feel an unexpected sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation, a sense of sadness and departure." There is joy and contentment, yet at the same time this sadness and sense of unease. What is that exactly?

Golden Pork Chops

2008-10-28T19:22:00.003-05:00

I told you last night I was feeling a bit like Suzie homemaker. I really don't know what's up with that, but this is what I made today, Golden Pork Chops. The pork chops were so very tender. I don't know that I've ever had a chop as tender as that before, even from my mother's kitchen. They were definitely melt in your mouth good.

Here is the recipe in case you're dying to try them out for yourself (this recipe serves 6 - I alterred mine a bit to accomodate just 2). I

sauteed the mushrooms, onion, and I added garlic in a pan first and added that to the soup mixture. Then I browned both sides of the chops before putting them in the baking dish:

INGREDIENTS
6 pork chops
1/4 teaspoon seasoned salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 onion, chopped
1/2 cup fresh sliced mushrooms
2 (10.75 ounce) cans condensed golden mushroom soup

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

Rinse pork chops, pat dry and place them in a 9x13 inch baking dish.

In a separate small bowl, combine the onion, mushrooms and soup. Mix together well and spoon over the chops.

Cover and bake at 375 degrees F (190 degrees C) for 45 minutes, then uncover and bake for 15 more minutes. (Note: Time could be less or more depending on the thickness of the chops.) Pork chops are done when their internal temperature has reached 160 degrees F (70 degrees C).

Downeast Maine Pumpkin Bread

2008-10-27T22:30:00.007-05:00

Tonight I decided to be Suzie homemaker and bake some pumpkin bread. I don't know what it is about Autumn that puts you in the mood to bake, but its done its work on me tonight. In case you're wondering, the bread is de-lish. Here is the recipe if you're feeling "in the mood".

Downeast Maine Pumpkin Bread

INGREDIENTS
1 (15 ounce) can pumpkin puree
4 eggs
1 cup vegetable oil
2/3 cup water
3 cups white sugar
3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour three 7x3 inch loaf pans.

In a large bowl, mix together pumpkin puree, eggs, oil, water and sugar until well blended. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves and ginger. Stir the dry ingredients into the pumpkin mixture until just blended. Pour into the prepared pans.

Bake for about 50 minutes in the preheated oven. Loaves are done when toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.

I added a cream cheese and sugar icing on top. This also makes great muffins. I made two loafs and half a dozen muffins. Hope you enjoy! Let me know how you like it.

What He Valued Most

2008-10-24T19:44:00.002-05:00

A young man learns what's most important in life from the guy next door.It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls,career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old news reel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days."Jack, did you hear me?""Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said."Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him."I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said."You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said."He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral,"Jack said.As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time. The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture,every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly."What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked."The box is gone," he said."What box? " Mom asked."There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it."Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention."Mr. Harold Belser" it read.Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside."Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch. Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover.Inside he found these words engraved: "Jack, Thanks for your time! Harold Belser." "The thing he valued most...was...my time."Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked."I need some time to spend with my son," he said."Oh, by the way, Janet...thanks for your time!"

Updated Kitchen

2008-10-19T17:41:00.004-05:00

The past two weekends I have been working away at my kitchen. Even though I have the house up for sale I thought I could do a couple of minor updates to the kitchen to try to make it more appealling not only to buyers but also to myself. The kitchen has been the most dated thing in the house and now it looks SOOO much better. I have to say I'm so proud of myself. Thanks to Julie I have a new sink installed. The countertops have been redone (YAY! The green is gone)and I have a really fancy backsplash that shines! Hope you like it as much as I do. I don't think I want to leave now! (Okay so maybe I still do, but I wish I could take my house with me!)

Before:

After:

Diary of a Mad Massage Therapist Vol.3

2008-10-08T18:31:00.001-05:00

Just a few more rules of spa etiquette. Apparently you people are needing a bit more assistance in knowing how to act in a spa.

9. Do not go get a massage with the smell of sex on you. Yes, you all know what I'm talking about. Do you really think I want to smell that? No I don't. How hard is it to take a shower? Go wash the stank off of ya before you come in my room. Seriously! Maybe I'm a bit jealous. Yes, but at least I'd have the decency to SHOWER before I went to get a massage.

10. Wash your hands after you use the bathroom. Do not expect me to massage your hands after you have wiped your ass. I don't want your urine and feces on my hands. Unless you want it to end up all over your face....take my advice. Wash your hands!

11. Do not come into my room after you have just gone outside and smoked. I don't need my room to reek of an ashtray. I don't rub a cigarette in your face....don't bring your cloud of smoke in my room.

12. All of us spa techs are so grateful for the gratuities you leave us, however if you plan on leaving anything less than $5, please don't bother. Anything less than $5 (and that is pushing it) is more of an insult than a "thank you". What we really want to do is hunt you down and put it back in your hand and say "Apparently you need this more than I do." I know what you're thinking.....this woman is an ungrateful bitch. Maybe so...but its the truth and I'm willing to bet my co-workers would all agree with me (trust me they would....we've all talked about this exact situation more times than we can count!)

I'm On The Patch

2008-10-07T19:48:00.000-05:00

So I've failed to fill you in on my little secret. I'm on the patch. No, not to quit smoking. No, not for birth control (no need for that since I'm in No Man Desert). I've got the SPEED PATCH BABY! Yes, I take speed. No, not to get a high. Quite the opposite. More to get a low. At least a low for my brain. This wonderful disease called A.D.D. really is a tricky thing. Who would ever have thought giving someone with ADD a bit of speed would help calm their out of control brains (yes I have two...HA) down?

I've been on a couple of different pills and they all seem to either make my heart beat out of chest (we wouldn't want to mess up those wonderful boobs I have now would we) or I turn into a raging lunatic. I'm opting for neither one! So I try out the patch. Mmmmm...does the body good. EXCEPT...it leaves this stickiness around the edge that won't come off. I scrub and scrub and it still won't come off. So I have all these little sticky spots on my butt (because that's where the doc says I have to put it) and well I don't like it. I know no one is looking at my butt, but I am. I see it and its not at all flattering. And just what if someone happens to come along one day and happens to decide he can't live without me....He'll see my butt.....with all the stickys. WHAT AM I TO DO? I tried oil tonight, but it only KIND OF helped.

So ladies(or men) out there that have to wear the patch for birth control or smoking....WHAT DO YOU DO to get this sticky stuff off? Or is it just me (*GASP* I don't think I can handle that...so lie if you have to)?

HillBilly1303, I Hate You

2008-10-06T12:21:00.010-05:00

(Hate is such a strong word....I'll settle for DISLIKE INTENSELY)
Okay so here it goes. I haven't been completely honest with you guys. *Deep Breath*

I'm signed up on an internet dating site. Yes, I'm desperate (but I guess not desperate enough since I'll only sign up for the FREE part). But the fact of the matter is, there is absolutely no chance of me finding someone in the Arm Pit of Hell (aka Biloxi, MS). This place is full of losers and alcoholics and obsessive gamblers that it leaves no room for The Good Man. So you see, I have to resort to internet dating. Actually wait, while I'm being honest....I only sign up to feed my ego. I don't actually respond to these losers. I don't actually "wink" back at them. I just need a little pick me up every once in a while. So I'll log on. See if anyone halfway decent has "winked" or emailed and then go about my day.

Recently I decided I was going to have a bit of fun with myself (yes its either me or my best friend that keeps me entertained....the rest of you really need to kick it up a notch). So I went on True.com (the current dating site) and put the headline "How is it that a woman with no legs and no arms can get a HUSBAND and I can't even get a date?" I thought it was funny....yet insulting (to me no doubt). Nothing against this lady...she seems rather nice. But I'm just wondering how this woman got a wonderful man (not attractive, but really sweet) and I can't even get a date. Now I know I'm no Miss America. I'm no Jessica Simpson or Cat Von D or Eva Mendes or Kate Hudson. I'm just me. I'm normal. A little over weight. But I have a beautiful smile, great eyes, lovely teeth, and killer BOOBS! I mean if anything shouldn't a guy ask me out just to be close to my boobs???

So anyway, this JACKASS decides he is going to take it upon himself to email me. Just for those of you wanting to avoid every jackass possible his handle on True.com is HILLBILLY1303. This idiot doesn't even have a picture of himself. Moving along. So this is what he writes:

"would you like for me to answer your question?because the woman with no legs SETTLED for the man that would have her instead of complaining about him.I am not saying this to be ugly I am just trying to help.You are a very pretty woman so maybe it's your attitude!"

I'm not saying this to be ugly and then BAM...maybe it's your attitude. Listen Jackass with a little penis....have you ever heard of the word Rhetorical? I don't need your insults. I'm on here for the ego boosts only. So go be hateful to someone else.....and go buy some PENIS ENHANCEMENTS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!

*DISCLAIMER*
Due to the rudeness of your comment, Mr. Hillbilly1303, your identity was not hidden in this blog!

Urine Treatment

2008-10-05T16:42:00.000-05:00

Massage Therapist: Is there anything I need to be awareful healthwise?

Client: Is that a fever blister on your lip?

Massage Therapist: Ummm...Yes.

Client: Are your hands clean?

Massage Therapist: (No, I haven't washed them for days. WHAT?!?!) Yes ma'am they are.

Client: Well you know I get them too, but they are highly contagious.

Massage Therapist: Well if it'll make you feel better I'll wash my hands AGAIN when I come back in the room.

Okay, let me give you a bit of background on this lady. As I called for her she was just coming from the ladies room. She nearly forgot to wash her hands, but then remembered. Her version of washing her hands is turning on the water, letting her hands run underneath for five seconds (without soap no doubt) and then turns the water off without using a paper towel to touch the handle. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Needless to say I did not massage her hands, although I should have and then given her a face massage and asked her how she liked the new urine treatment.

Did she think I was going kiss her on the lips....either pair? I mean seriously....the entire six years I've been a therapist I have NEVER been asked something so rude. Do these people think I'm their freakin' slave and they can talk to me any way they choose? I don't think so!

I'm hoping that this lady comes across my blog by chance. I hope she sees her stupidity. I hope chokes on her spit as she swallows.

Sleep:

2008-10-04T06:22:00.006-05:00

the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored.

And that is what I did last night. YAY! I slept. I got rest. The powers of my body are restored! HA! That part is funny.

Yesterday I actually ended up "calling out" from work. There was just absolutely no way I could have gone to work. That little disclaimer I put on yesterday's blog would NOT have worked on my behalf had I ended up raking someone over the coals for looking at me wrong, asking me if my hands hurt doing massage, asking me where the lockers were, etc, etc, etc. So I did what anyone else would do. I spent half the day lounging around obsessing over this years Presidential Election and then went out to lunch where my best friend and I were not so thrilled with the food - thus wasting money (Seriously people. Haven't you heard we're in an economic crisis here. The least you could do is offer GOOD food for the money we shell out.) Then went to Books a Mirrion(Million for you little people outside of my world) and bought the new Nicolas Sparks book. Yeah, I'm in love with him. I'll admit it. His wife doesn't know yet so *shhhh*. Then I come home to take a Chemistry test which I completely bombed. And ended the day having a "fight" with my lovely (ex)realtor - the Beauty Queen. Seriously - I think she lost the memo telling her she works for me not the other way around. So all in all. It was a good day!

I pray my "sleep - the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored" is going to do me some good today. Wish me well on my massaging endeavors.

P.S. I'm thinking of having an affair with Webster too!
(okay for those of you who do not know who "Webster" is, just go to http://www.webster.com/ to find out.

Just A Thought....

2008-10-03T12:35:00.004-05:00

I'm wondering if those deciding to vote for Obama think the rest of us are just in love with the idea of McCain. Look, we ALL know that McCain is going to bring more of what we've been having the past eight years. We can only hope that he will bring about some relief. But when we look at both canidates - really - who is the lesser of two evils? I really am a bit concerned that so many people are voting for Obama because they think it's "cool", or that he wants to bring the troops home right away (Let me just say - I don't think you can you just pull out of a country like he is talking of doing 1. It makes us look weak 2. Its NOT that easy), or that he is going to bring all this tax relief, or that its proving to yourself that you aren't a racist. YES! I said it! I think so many people feel the need to prove to the world and themselves that they are not racist and thus - they are voting for this "African American" (I use that term loosely as Barack Obama is about as black as I am).

I'm also wondering why in the world people are ignoring these things:

1. The man did NOT want to put his hand over his heart when the National Anthem was played.
2. The man makes excuses for why he doesn't wear an American flag pin on his lapel. I know this really isn't that big of a deal, but making excuses for it is.
3. The man only separated himself from his American hating pastor AFTER people started to question it. HE SAID HE WOULD STAND BY HIM.
4. The man has only served in the Senate 143 days. Like my best friend said - I wouldn't trust my HAIR to someone with 143 days of experience. Why would I trust my country?
5. His wife does NOT like America or white people. I'm sorry? Come again? She does not like America? She said this is the first time she has been proud of her country. WHAT? Nothing - absolutely nothing has made you proud of America? Are you serious here? And she doesn't like white people. Okay, I'm sorry but as a white person I find this pretty offensive. I mean if I were to say I didn't like black people I would be labled a racist. But its okay for this lady....this potential "first lady" to say such things. Do you not think she will be another Hillary - running the country? If you don't you are SADLY mistaken. This is an issue whether you want to admit it or not.
6. Barak Obama is FRIENDS with people from Iran and Syria and Iraq. I'm sorry this concerns me. Anyone a friend of the enemy is the enemy itself in my opinion.
7. Obama is acceptting campaign money from foreign countries. What? I'm sorry, what do OTHER countries have to do with an AMERICAN election. I know I know....what happens to American affects other countries, but do you seriously think it is ethical to accept money from other countries to further YOUR political agenda.
8. Last but not least, Obama is for Obama. He is NOT for this country. He is not for the people no matter how many times he tells you he is. He is for "Change" people. Do not be fooled into thinking this is the kind of change you and I are looking for. This is a man absorbed in himself. This is a man that is hungry for power not for people. This is a man that will make you put your head down and close your eyes and think "God, what in the world is going on." This man is NOT what our country needs. I do not want to question whose side my president is on. I need to know he will fight for our country at all costs. I need to know that my freedoms are potected. I need to know that my future child(ren) will continue to have the same freedoms that I have today. And my friend, I do not KNOW that with Barack Obama. That is a sad thing.

This isn't all - there is so much more. But again, don't be fooled into thinking this man is for our country. Let's just ignore the fact that his Muslim background keeps popping up thus making him a threat to our country and focus on the fact that like I stated in #8 he is for Obama. Not the people of America. Not the country of America. Obama the man. Not Obama the "messiah" as some want to refer to him. He is a man. That's it. Plain and simple thinking only of himself.

Friends, please be careful in who you give this important title of President to. It's not a joke. This isn't the most debated election by chance. This is the future of our country.

Insomnia

2008-10-03T04:16:00.005-05:00

Why is it that my brain runs in a million different directions. I'm on medication for this thing called ADD.....this shouldn't be happening. Yet it does...nearly every night. Why can't my little brain (as some would argue - I don't even have the energy to dispute that right now) just...rest. Be silent. Be still. Take a vacation. Sleep. WHATEVER! ANYTHING! I'll take whatever the heck I can get. But no, here I am at 4:18 a.m. typing away ranting about my poor, overstressed brain. People, this is serious. I've been awake since 1:30 a.m. I have to work today. I have to be "up" in like an hour and a half. And its not like I can sit at my pretty little desk and have a slow day. No, I'm a freakin' massage therapist. People depend on me being alert and not falling asleep on them while in a dark room trying to make them fall asleep. HOW CRUEL IS THAT!?!?!? I totally did NOT see the irony in that until JUST NOW.

There is absolutely NO point in trying to go back to sleep now. I mean I'm only torturing myself if I do that. If I were to just fall asleep right now (HA! Like that would ever happen) I wouldn't even have enough time for a full sleep cycle. Okay, so maybe this is a good thing. I'll be so tired when I get home that when I actually go to bed tonight...I might be able to sleep (can anyone define this word for me). We can only hope and pray.

*DISCLAIMER*
Please do not send me little "tid bits" to help me fall asleep such as camomile tea, hot milk, hot bath, etc. It may put me in a state of rage and I cannot be held responsible for my actions. Good day!

Would YOU put our flag upside down?

2008-10-01T17:25:00.002-05:00

Another email I received today. Really people, are you NOT paying attention to what is going on? Do you REALLY want a president that doesn't give a damn about OUR COUNTRY? If so - go ahead...vote for Obama. You want "CHANGE"? Yep, you'll get change all right!

NBC Channel 9 in Denver is reporting that the DNC Convention ticket shows an upside down American flag. Go here to read the full story: http://www.9news.com/news/article.aspx?storyid=97788&catid=188

Let's see now. Obama does not wear a flag pin because it does not represent "true patriotism". Obama does not hold his hand over his heart during the National anthem. Obama's campaign remakes the Presidential seal using his logo and slogan in Latin. Obama takes the American flag off of his campaign plane. Obama puts the Obama logo and "President" on his first class leather chair in his new campaign plane. Now the DNC puts the American flag upside down on its convention tickets.

Coincidence? I think not.

Anti-war protestors typically carry or display the American flag upside down.

The rules on display of the American flag are very specific, "Section 8, The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property."

57 States?????

2008-10-01T17:20:00.001-05:00

An email I received today. Something to think about!

From Rush Limbaugh's radio show.....

You are aware, probably, that Barack Obama lost his bearings recently and said that he was going to campaign in all 57 states.You heard this? And most everybody
chalked it up to, 'Well, he's tired.'You know, this is a Dan Quayle
moment. I mean, Dan Quayle goes out there and misspells 'potato,' and
we still hear jokes about it.Barack Obama says he's gonna go out and
campaign in 57 states! He was just tired, you know, it's been such a long
campaign, he's been so many places, he probably thinks there are 57
states.Well, I have here a printout from a web site called the International
Humanist and Ethical Union.And here is how the second paragraph of an article on
that website begins.'Every year from 1999 to 2005 the organization of the
Islamic conference representing the 57 Islamic states presented a resolution to
the United Nations Commission on human rights called commbating.'

Obama said he's going to campaign in 57 states, and it turns out that
there are 57 Islamic states.

There are 57 Islamic states!So did Obama just lose his bearings, or was
this a more telling, Freudian slip, ladies and gentlemen?KEEP IT GOING, FOLKS!
Our future is at stake...

Make no mistake about-

Hi everyone, I have once again done my homework to see if this correct
and it is...surprise. You can also look it up on Snoops, but I went a little
further and got my information from the Islamic Conference-Http follows..take a
look.
>
>
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organisation_of_the_Islamic_Conference
>

3rd Times A Charm...

2008-09-30T00:02:00.001-05:00

OR NOT!

So I've had yet another offer on my house that continues to insult me. I really don't know what people are thinking right now. I'm well aware that we are in an economic crisis right now. I understand that the price of gas continues to rise even though the price per barrel is going down. I'm well aware that most people's credit is down the toilet. But should I really have to pay for all that? Should I really have to pay for everyone else's mistakes? Should I have to bite the bullet just to get out of this hell hole? I'm beginning to wonder if the answer to all those questions is "yes". Just put my head down and nod yes in defeat.

I feel as if I'm inches away from what I've wanted to do my entire life. If I can just get through this Chemistry class with a decent grade (an "A" would be marvelous - but I'd settle for a "B") and get accepted into dental hygiene school I will be well on my way. But for whatever reason this place keeps holding me back. The enemy (devil) keeps putting up road blocks. And to be frank....I'm tired of his SHIT! Yes...I said it. I'm tired of the devil's shit. He has no hold on me. He has no authority over me. He is not my Maker. He is not the Lord of my life. He is not my Salvation. He is not the Victor. He is the devil and he does not win. I'm standing firm....after done all to stand....and continuing to believe that God has the answer right around the corner. God said to ask and you shall receive. I'm asking...and I'm receiving. Please continue to pray with me. I'm pressing on. To the prize.

Nights in Rodanthe

2008-09-27T22:33:00.003-05:00

For those of you who are thinking of going to see this movie...please...PLEASE do not bother. You see, I read the book and absolutely LOVED it. Everything flowed so well. The bond that was made was incredible and believable. What Richard and Diane did was taint that. They made it look cheap and completely trashy. No, the movie wasn't trashy....it just made the love look...cheesy and well just stupid.

Why is it that books are so much better than movies? I mean the "acting" in my head is SO much more believable. The characters are normal. They don't TRY to act like Diane Lang or whatever her name is. (I swear she is the worst actress I've ever seen. I can't stand anything with her in it...and I was just HOPING she would redeem herself with this movie. But friends, she failed miserably. Don't get me wrong, I'm no movie critic....but serious she is pitiful.) But in my head the landscape is always better and more realistic. The story plays out like it should. But the movies...Lord help 'em. They are lacking. Is it imagination? I guess that's what makes a book so great. You make it what you want it to be. You make it what you need it to be at the time. And it speaks volumes to you as the words roll from page to page.

I think I've learned my lesson. I really shouldn't watch a movie after reading the book.

7 days....

2008-09-22T14:45:00.003-05:00

What if you only had 7 days to live? More importantly...what if Jesus was coming back in seven days? Would you change anything? Would you say that "thing" you've been wanting to say to someone for months now? Would you pray more? Would you read your Bible more? Would you shout out on the rooftops for everyone to get their lives right with God because He is sending His Son back? Would you be content with where you are?

My mother's pastor posed this question to the congregation yesterday at church...What if Jesus was coming back next Sunday? It really puts a kind of urgency in you doesn't it? I found it pretty interesting and started thinking about it quite a bit myself...What would I do differently? I guess I'd spend more time in prayer. I mean I'm just going to be honest here...I know that I know that I know that God is the Lord of my life. I know He is my Savior. But when this question comes to my mind...I guess I just want to make sure...I want to make sure that there is NOTHING...absoultely nothing that would separate me from the Father. I can't say I've lead the best example in the world because I haven't. I have many faults. I have many flaws. I have many shortcomings. And I fall regularly, sometimes more than once a day. But I do know that I'm forgiven. I do know that there is NOTHING I can do to make myself worthy of God's salvation. I've just accepted Him and His grace and decided to walk with Him. Sometimes I go astray. Sometimes I fall down. Sometimes I run ahead. But always He brings me back to His side. And in that I think I realize that God doesn't expect perfection. He only desires our acceptance of His love. And with that said, secondly...I'd want to reach out more to those people that God has put in my path that don't know Him. The interesting thing is, the past couple of weeks those people that I thought were so unreachable...God seems to be reaching. I can't take any credit for this at all. Quite the opposite. But those that have been unreachable are beginning to allow their eyes to be open to the love of God. And now, even more, it makes me want to say to them..."Okay, so God is doing something in you....what are you going to do about it?" The time is now. Personally, I'm not one that belives in pressuring people into salvation. I feel I can only live my life and allow God to touch them through me....and even through my mistakes. The fact is, God doesn't NEED MY HELP! But those people that I know He has been working on...it makes me want to say....Okay....are you ready? If not, lets get ready. If so....THANK GOD!

So what about you? What if Jesus were coming back in seven days? Would you do anything different? People out in the cyber world that I know and those I don't....I'm here if you need a helping hand. Feel free to contact me. We never know the day or time that God will send Jesus to take us home, but shouldn't we be ready just in case it's in seven days?

This was NOT the "Mother of All Storms"

2008-09-01T15:10:00.001-05:00

like someone wanted to call Hurricane Gustav. I'm floored that a government official would stir a situation up such as a hurricane and throw his "chocolate city" (those were HIS WORDS...not mine!) into a panic. Don't get me wrong, I totally believe the people of New Orleans needed to get out of town. I'm so glad they heeded the warnings. But this was NOT the "mother of all storms." This was a fraction of storms of the past. Yes, there is damage. Yes, there is flooding. But it wasn't nearly what it could have been.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers. Here in Biloxi we did have SOME damage, but it wasn't anything like Hurricane Katrina...and we're ever so thankful.

Hope everyone had a good Labor Day Weekend!

And When You've Done All To Stand....Stand Firm Then

2008-08-31T16:34:00.000-05:00

I think I've decided to stay here in Biloxi. I do have a hotel reservation in Georgia in case the storm decides to make a quick turn to the east within the next couples of hours. But I think we'll be fine. My house is boarded up so she should be fine. I'm just ready for it all to be over with. I've been praying today and feel at peace...along with so many others. God is in control.

Run and Duck for Cover

2008-08-30T23:04:00.001-05:00

With Hurricane Gustav coming our way I still don't know what I'm going to do. I should know more by tomorrow. Fortunately our wonderful money hungry casino FINALLY decided to close down...well past nightfall...so that their employees wouldn't have any daylight to get prepared.

Forecasters keep predicting a hit in Louisiana, however there is a possibility it could hit Mississippi yet again. This my friend is not a good situation. This will be my second hurricane (the first being Katrina) and hopefully my last. I don't think I have anything left in me to continue living in an area that has threats like this. My nerves can't take it. I will do whatever is in my power to sell my house and get out of here.

I know many think we (LA and MS) are over reacting. And granted, we may be. But until you've experienced your house flooding...until you've had to sit in the attic on beams for three hours praying that the water will not rise any farther...until you've walked out in your front yard and seen the furniture of someone that lives three blocks away sitting in your yard....please don't judge. Never in a million years would I have imagined something as devastating as that....but I experienced it all. So when the possibility of another threat like THAT comes along you begin to panic a little bit....just a little bit.

I'll keep you informed of my plans.

What to Do?

2008-08-26T20:53:00.001-05:00

I'm beginning to wonder if I should have named my blog "Stuck in Hell....Struggling to Break Free" instead of "American Woman Breaking Free". As I read my past few blogs I realize I'm chronically negative and I don't like it. The past few days I've prayed fervently asking God to give me peace. I've prayed asking God to give me direction. I've prayed asking God to help me live each day as it comes instead of worrying or wondering about tomorrow. But it seems each day it gets tougher to walk that out. I don't really know what I'm really trying to say here. I guess I just feel I'm at my breaking point. I'm beginning to understand why people run away from their lives and leave everything behind. Don't worry. I'm too sensible to do such...but it's definitely tempting.

Testing One, Two....

2008-08-25T08:16:00.005-05:00

Okay so its only 8:15 a.m. and I'm already annoyed. Today my online classes open and I can start learning to Appreciate Art and trudge my way through Chemistry when I've long since forgotten any kind of formula.

So I log on to my Art Appreciation class to see how much time I'm actually going to have to waste on it and see I need to take a quick little Syllabus Quiz. You get to take it an unlimited number of times but you have to complete it with a 100%. No biggie. Most of my online teachers require this. Why? I have no idea. Its a waste of time and energy. If I can't figure out a few due dates and understand the syllabus as I'm reading it I really shouldn't be taking an online class in the first place. Yes, I'm talking to you if you're one of those that needs this little quiz to help you along. You are a dumb ass. I'm going off on a tangent here but I'm going to tell you why. 1. An online class is 100% reading and if you can't comprehend even the simplest of things as a syllabus there is gonna be a problem. 2. Do you not get that its a waste of time and energy? THEY DON'T EVEN GIVE YOU ANY CREDIT FOR TAKING THE STUPID QUIZ. We're all wasting our precious time because of YOU.

Okay now that I got that out we can proceed. So I'm taking this syllabus quiz and there is this one question: Quiz 5 and 8 are Proctored Quizzes. True or False. I of course put False because the syllabus clearly states several times that 5 and 10 will only be proctored. Yeah, so I get it wrong. I'm not throwing a fit just yet. I think, okay, I'll just take it again. So I take it again and I see this is a new test. Same questions but in a different order. Of course she wouldn't have the key wrong on BOTH of these tests. Surely a professor wouldn't make more than one mistake on a test that they expect us to do so well on but do not give us any credit for. So I get to the question: Quiz 5 and 8 are Proctored Quizzes. True or False. I put FALSE. Of course I put False. The answer IS false. I get it wrong. Now I'm just pissed. Not only do I pay regular tuition...I have to pay even more to take it online when the teacher doesn't even have to do as much work. This is SOOOOOOOO beyond my comprehension. But I work full-time and I really don't have any desire to go sit in a classroom during my time off. So I pay the extra money and take it up the butt. (LOL Even I'm laughing right now.) But I don't think I have should have to pay extra money to get a question wrong when in fact I put the correct answer. I don't think I should have to pay extra money to have to correct a teacher over a stupid syllabus quiz. This is just riDICulous.

So yes of course I emailed the teacher and tried to be as humble as possible about it. And of course she is going to the think I'm some smart ass, but how exactly do you say.... "Ummm, yes, this question is wrong on the test. Do you expect me to take it over and actually put the INCORRECT answer or are you going to correct it yourself?"

This is not a good start to this semester. Let us pray. I don't need to lose my witness again!

Diary of a Mad Massage Therapist Vol.2

2008-08-21T18:24:00.004-05:00

Today was a really tough day at work. I probably lost my witness a few more times than I should have. But not only am I completely sick of massage....I'm also sick of people. People can say and do the stupidest things (yes I'm people too - I know I know). I know that's not an excuse to lose my witness, but I figured I'd use this time to add a few more rules of spa etiquette while I have them on the brain and ask God for forgiveness. Maybe you can prevent someone from losing their witness one day!

5. Do not, by any circumstances ever ask a massage therapist if their hands ever get tired. Even though they may laugh and say "Oh sometimes, but you get used to it" what they really wants to say is "YOU STUPID *&%$@! +*#%&@ of course my hands get tired. What are you going to do if I say 'why yes...they get tired all the time. As a matter of fact they are tired right now...so I'm going to stop this massage'". *sigh* Okay I feel better. Just take it from me...never ever ask that moronic question.

6. If you are a spa attendant please don't act like you are twelve years old and talk to the guest like this..."Yo Yo Yo here's a robe so get undressed and chill." I dare spit in your general direction.

7. If you are a spa manager/supervisor/dictator - oopps - director please don't take all the product and store it so far away from the spa hallway that it cuts into a guest's service. I know you enjoy micro-managing from your lovely desk and comfortable chair, but it really is about the guest. I can say this because I HAVE BEEN A SPA SUPERVISOR!!!!

8. If you schedule a Brazilian thinking that is the ethnicity of your therapist...you're sadly mistaken. You might as well not even show up for your service and let them bill you for your ignorance.

I'm really beginning to wonder if I need to write my own little spa etiquette book. I think the world really needs to hear these rules from my perspective!!!! What do you think?

Do I Feel Lighter?

2008-08-16T13:54:00.004-05:00

So this morning I got my hair cut. I've always wanted to grow my hair out to help out a cancer patient. So today was the day. I cut off a whole 18 inches. I thought I would share the before and after pictures. If you're interested in donating your hair, check out Locks of Love. Here's to another child having hair. Cheers!

Diary of a Mad Massage Therapist Vol.1

2008-08-07T17:14:00.004-05:00

Every once in a while (more like once an hour) I come across a few things that I'd like to shout at people while working as a massage therapist in such a lovely spa that is ranked in the top 25 of the United States. You'd think people would take us more seriously (HA HA HA)!!! Obviously not. Here are few things that come to mind.

1. Really? Is it completely necessary for someone to hold you by the hand and make sure you make it to your appointment on time. I've reserved your time for you and no one else. All you have to do is show up. ON TIME!!!! Get it together people!

2. Did you just walk 500 miles without shoes? Would YOU want to touch someone's feet that looked like sin itself?

3. Should I have to ask you to take a shower after being in a hot tub or steam room for 20 minutes? Do you know the number of skin cells that are floating on top of that water? Don't you know that the steam is just a breeding ground for bacteria? Did you even graduate high school?

4. Why are you asking me where the lockers are when you just walked past them? We haven't painted them in a camoflouge. It shouldn't be that difficult. They all have this little lock that you put your key in and voila! it opens!!! OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Those are just a few of the things that come to mind. I'm sure there will be more to come. Perhaps tomorrow!

What If...

2008-07-31T18:46:00.001-05:00

we could stay in the fifth grade?

I still remember Mrs. Lewis's class like it was yesterday. I remember playing "Around the World" in math class wondering how some people's minds can think so quickly. I remember the day my "friend" stabbed me in the knee with her pencil. I still have the lead mark to prove it. I remember playing tetherball thinking I was "the shit", but I would not dare say "the shit" back then. And I remember being "Good Grade Buddies" with Joshua Rogers. Yeah, "Good Grade Buddy" was code for "lets cheat and make sure we end up making the same grade"!!!! For shame! I know your name!

Even though I'm 29 and have a car, have a great job, have bills and a mortgage I still see myself as being in the fifth grade. Why is that? I have no idea. I'm sure I need to talk to someone about this but I think its partly pretty innocent. It was a safer time. I can't say I was EVER carefree, however I don't remember worrying about where I should live and what I should do with the rest of my life. I lived each day for that day and that day alone. How much more do you think we would all accomplish if we did that now? I don't mean mind blowing accomplishments, but the things that actually matter - like reaching out to that person sitting at a table by him/herself. Stopping to pick up that person at the bus stop that you work with even though you don't know her. Giving the homeless person $5 even though you think they will buy alcohol with it. Loving those people in our lives for who they are regardless of what they do for us. Hummm.

Just wondering - What if?

Imaginary Friends

2008-07-29T21:35:00.000-05:00

So I just finished a book by Cecelia Ahern called If You Could See Me Now. I won't go into grave detail about the book. You'll just have to read it for yourself. However, I will tell you that it talks a bit about Imaginary Friends and how they help you along your way. Some say imaginary friends are actually a good thing. It's a sign that your imagination is growing. This kind of troubles me because - well - I never had one. I knew I never had a huge imagination growing up and it makes me a bit sad when I really think of it. I mean I had tea parties...but I actually had tea! Why would I just imagine to have tea when my mother made tea nearly everyday and I could just get some for my little tea cups for me and my friends? It never crossed my mind that it might actually be fun to "play" like I had tea in my tea cup.

And then it makes me wonder if my social skills would have been a bit better. Anyone who really knows me is well aware that I have some kind of social anxiety disorder. Yes, of course I can get in front of a crowd of 100 or more and sing until my heart is content. But put me in a group of 3 or more and I completely shut down. I love the idea of having people over to my house, but when they actually get there I tend to hide or make my way out to the grill and let my best friend do all the socializing. She hates me for this - I'm well aware. However, it's just the way it is. I can't help it. I've tried to be better at socializing, but I try in vain. I'm just better one on one. But if I would have had an imaginary friend would this anxiety be gone?

I don't know the answer to these questions really. I'm proud of who I am and how I turned out. The fact of the matter is...had I had an imaginary friend, I probably would have turned out a little differently. And well, that just isn't possible. I am who I am. I'm who God made me to be.

So to those of you who have or had imaginary friends I wish you well on your incredible journey. And to those of you like myself, chin up - we're on our own way!

Aquarium of the Americas New Orleans and Biloxi Beach

2008-07-24T22:03:00.007-05:00

Paul B. Johnson with Family

2008-07-22T22:36:00.004-05:00

Ryan and Jordyn

2008-07-21T15:44:00.004-05:00

This weekend my brother, sister-in-law, Ryan and Jordyn came into town. Here are a few recent pictures. Enjoy!

Recipe for Amish Friendship Bread

2008-07-18T16:00:00.002-05:00

For those of you interested in making the Friendship Bread and sharing with your friends, I've found the recipe to make the starter and the bread. You'll probably want to type up the instructions for Day 1 - Day 10 to give to the friends you give starters to. Also this says that a glass jar or bowl is best to be used but I prefer the zip lock bags. This makes it easier to give away and you can also write the date on the bag. Hope you and your friends enjoy!

Ingredients:
***Starter***
1 tablespoon Active Dry Yeast
2 cups Warm Water -- (110 degrees)
1 cup Flour
1 cup Sugar
1 cup Milk
***To Make Bread***
1 cup Vegetable Oil
1 cup Sugar
2 cups Flour
3 Eggs
1 small Vanilla Pudding Mix -- Instant
1 teaspoon Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda
1/4 teaspoon Baking Powder
1/2 cup Milk
***Cinnamon Sugar***
1 cup Sugar
2 tablespoons Cinnamon

(My recipe did not call for the salt, baking soda or baking powder. If you'd like to use it go ahead, but it is to die for without!)

Directions:

For Starter: Dissolve yeast in 1/2 cup of the warm water in a deep glass or plastic container. Stir in remaining warm water, flour and sugar.

Beat until smooth. Cover. (A large glass jar or bowl with a tight fitting lid works best for this, but a 1/2 gallon zip lock baggie can also be used).

Because your first batch of starter contains fresh yeast, you can skip the next set of directions and go directly to the instructions for splitting your start.

Do not refrigerate! Do not stir with a metal spoon! The starter requires 10 days for fermentation. If you use a zip lock baggie make sure you let the air out each day.

Day 1- Begin or receive starter Day 2- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 3- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 4- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 5- Add 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk Day 6- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 7- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 8- Do Nothing Day 9- Do Nothing Day 10- Add 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk

Day 10 is when you actually split the starter to give away and begin making your bread.

Put 1 cup of starter in each of three containers. Give 2 away to friends and keep one. This will begin their Day 1.

For Bread: You will have about 1 cup of batter left (besides the 1 cup you have saved for yourself). To the remaining batter add vegetable oil, sugar, flour, baking powder, baking soda, eggs, milk, vanilla pudding mix, cinnamon, and salt. Beat until well blended. Add one cup raisins, chocolate chips or nuts, if desired.

Grease 2 loaf pans well, and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar, coating bottom well. Turn batter into pans, and sprinkle remaining cinnamon sugar onto tops of loaves. Bake at 325F degrees for one hour.

This recipe from CDKitchen for Amish Friendship Bread Starter and Bread serves/makes 5 cups

Amish Friendship Bread

2008-07-16T15:25:00.001-05:00

Last week my friend Suzie gave me the starter for Amish Friendship Bread. Today is the day to make it. The bread takes 10 days to ferment and be ready to bake. Throughout the 10 days you have to add ingredients and "mush" the bag before it is ready. Then on the 10th day you add more ingredients, make four new starters (three of which you give away to three of your friends), and the remaining batter is what you make the bread with (after you add even more ingredients). Anyway, so today is the day and I can't wait to taste the bread! Thanks Suzie for giving me something other to do than read. By the way - I've finished one more book since my last post. Something is really wrong with me!!!

My Eyes Are Bleeding

2008-07-14T17:49:00.003-05:00

The past two weeks I've read four books. For those of you that read a book a night...shut up! Some of us have lives! Anyway....with this said, my eyes are bleeding and I think I need to take a break. I don't want to. You see I have this insanely obsessive personailty that when I start to do something and start to enjoy I just obsess over it. Right now its reading. I stay up until all hours of the night reading - devouring every word. Then I wake up just a tad bit early so I can read before I have to get up (not to mention obsess over what's happening while I'm sleeping!!!). Then I may or may not take my book to work and read in between clients while I'm changing my sheets. YES! I know! I'm insane! Once I'm home I casually walk in say a few words to my best friend - acting as if everything is calm in my head - and then go straight back to reading, trying not to trip over the piano on my way to my bedroom. Its as if its a drug. Once I read that first word - its just utter bliss. I'm high as a freakin' kite again. Why did it have to be reading? I mean why couldn't it have been working out or something. I really could stand to lose a ... few ... pounds. But it isn't. It's reading and my eyes are bleeding. So I think I'm going to try to not read tonight. I don't know though. I just started a new book and well I think it already has me under its spell. Wish me and my eyes luck!!! I'm gonna need it. (And, NO! I don't need to see a doctor so keep your suggestions to yourself!)

Purgatory

2008-07-11T20:06:00.000-05:00

I feel as if I'm in Purgatory. Honestly I have no idea what purgatory is like since I'm not Catholic and do not believe in such - however - if I did I'm assuming this is how it feels. And well, I'm just way too depressed to think up anything else to write. Enjoy your weekend while I continue drifting along in Purgatory Mississippi.

Dream

2008-07-07T17:26:00.005-05:00

Today I took a nap and woke up after a dream. The dream went something like this...I was sitting in a room with some man listening to praise and worship (huh? I know). After it was done the man started walking out of the room but stopped and knealt beside me and said, " The Lord wanted me to tell you something like either He has given you the desire to have a child or another child or something, but (I felt he gestured toward me implying I was getting older....like "times a' wastin'" - HOW DARE!!!), you have to move on though." And then he just walked out of the room. Really that quick.

Now I don't know what it is I need to let go of, but I have believed for some time that God is the One that put the desire in me to have a chld. I haven't always wanted one. Even today while in the store I started to think that maybe I really should reconsider that, watching all these moms pull their children by the arms telling them "I'm tired of this attitude" and "Quit throwing that down" and children screaming and throwing fits flailing their legs and arms about. Someone would have to be insane to really WANT that....or God must put it on their heart.

And so I sit here kind of awestruck that God even spoke to me in a dream, because I've been so completely desperate lately for even just one Word. With that said, please pray for me that I'm able to move on from whatever is holding me back in my life. Apparently time is wasting and it's waiting on me.

Resignation

2008-07-05T12:50:00.001-05:00

I have resigned myself to the fact that my house is not going to sell. So I might as well suck it up and be happy about the fact that me and my little house can keep loving each other to pieces. I'll try to fix her up a bit more, while she brings me peace. (I'm sure my best friend will be thrilled since this means she will continue to be the constant helper in that daunting task of DIY projects....cheers!)

Happy Christian Birthday to ME!!!

2008-07-04T16:29:00.001-05:00

Twenty-two years ago today I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I was at church camp and it was July 4th. The amazing thing was, after service that night we went outside and watched fireworks. It was the angels and God rejoicing I'd like to think...."Another one has accepted Me." Really it's such a honor that God desires our love as desperately as He does. Above all else He just wants us to totally abandon ourselves to Him. It's so simple yet we make it so difficult at times. I don't know why. But today I just wanted to say, Thank you Lord for totally giving Yourself to me. I love you and each day I pray You draw me closer to You. Happy Birthday US.

Beautiful Christian Sister

2008-06-30T22:25:00.003-05:00

By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

It's amazing how someone can put into words how so many of us feel. Today what stands out to me and really makes me gratful to be a child of God is "I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it."

Today has been a 'pressed day. I stayed in bed the entire day and didn't even think of showering until 10:00 p.m. I read an entire book that hit way too close to home for comfort, but it somehow helped to lift my mood. God always has a way of doing that through books with me. Regardless of what I think or anyone else thinks, God thinks I'm worth it....no matter what it is. He thinks I'm worth it. I'm worth it all. Somedays that's just easier to believe than others. Lord, thank you for reminding me today that I'm worth it all.

Just Reminding Myself....

2008-06-26T09:42:00.000-05:00

Oh, the Places You'll Go!
by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Sweet Spirit

2008-06-24T22:19:00.001-05:00

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

2008-06-23T08:28:00.000-05:00

So, I may have a contract on the house. Wouldn't you know it - the guy had to go into the hosptital right before he signed the contract. I'm told they acceptted my last offer, but still no contract. I'd like - for just once - things to go smoothly. I KNOW I need to have a bit of patience and I KNOW I need to trust that God's got this. I just hate the waiting game.

Praying

2008-06-19T06:09:00.002-05:00

Someone made an offer on the house (very insulting offer to say the least). But I have counter-offered and am now just praying that God intervenes. Ultimately I want to be where and do what God wants me to do. If staying in the armpit of America is where He wants me, then I know deep down there has to be a reason for it. But I'm so far from happy here. Each day it seems as if there is yet another reason for me to leave. I had gotten to a place of contentment, but that has started to fade. Please pray for me today. God sees the big picture.

My House

2008-06-16T15:27:00.001-05:00

Someone is coming to look at my house today. Though it saddens me that one day I'll be leaving my home behind, I feel as if I have to get out of this God forsaken place. Am I even alive anymore? Are you there? I'm fadin' fast!!!!! My best friend said, maybe we need to be praying a little more specific. And she's right. But honestly I don't know the specifics. Part of me wants to move back to Midland to be close to my family. It breaks my heart when I have to get off the phone with my neice and nephew. It breaks my heart when my mother tells me that Ryan is asking for Aunt Liberty.

But my logical side wonders if that's enough. And if so will I do well as a massage therapist in an area like Midland? I don't see too many spa and salons around there, and even fewer (okay so not a one!!!) resorts. I know money isn't everything. Happiness and family can sometimes make up for that. But how do you know what's right and what's not? I feel like I've prayed and prayed and prayed and .... okay you get the picture. But I'm hearing nothing. Am I not hearing anything or have I already gotten the answer? This ADHD brain of mine can't figure that out right now.

Hug O' War

2008-06-14T17:43:00.000-05:00

Pondering Love

2008-06-13T15:55:00.002-05:00

I've only loved....really loved a few people in my life. Each love was different. Fairytale love - yes I've experienced it. It was great and overwhelming. It was full of twists, turns, and surprises. Unassuming love. One things leads to another and you've been daitng the same person for hmmm....well, all of a sudden you realize, this person is pretty great - not what I expected, but pretty great. Convienent love - it happens. Have we not all had one? You know, the one where you are convienently alone, so is he/she and there you go. One day you realize there is something there that wasn't there in the beginning. And my treasured Unconditional love - you know who you are - you have been and will always be the greatest. And now I sit here and wonder about my "Love Song for No One". Is there another love out there? Not really sure. In today's society I wonder if it's all worth it. How many couples do you know that are TRULY happy? How many couples are willing to stick it out to the end? How many men/women have NOT cheated on their spouse? I'd love to say that love still happens, but I'm not really sure. And why is that? Why is it that only our elderly know the meaning of "in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death do us part." Have we as a society gotten SO wrapped up in the idea of love that we don't even know what it is? Hey, I'm wondering that about myself...no judgments here.

Philippians 1:6

2008-06-10T20:35:00.005-05:00

Philippians 1:6 (Amplified Bible)
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

Do you ever wonder if you may have gotten off track? You wonder if that "thing" God spoke to your heart years ago isn't there anymore because of something you did or something you didn't do? Well, I'll be honest and raise my hand and say...Yes, that's me. I've moved on from places where God's plan for my life was a bit easier. Up until now, I had not been involved with the church like I used to be. Up until now I had put my voice and my worship on a shelf for no one to hear or see....the worst of all God. I can't tell you why. Maybe out of fear. Maybe out of being out of my comfort zone. But the TRUTH says He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. The good news is...hold on to your seat...we can't get in the way. My friend, get ahold of that like I am. LIBERTY.....YOU CAN'T GET IN GOD'S WAY!!!!!!!! Be set free! Allow God's love and grace and mercy to penetrate all your insecurities and be set free from your doubts...from your failures...FROM YOURSELF! The Word of God does NOT return void. It's there....whatever He spoke to you is STILL there. He WILL do what He said He will do. Trust Him. Believe Him. Open up your heart. My friend, you are not too far gone. You can't get in His way.

Always

2008-06-10T20:35:00.001-05:00

How Great Is Our God

2008-06-10T20:29:00.001-05:00

With All I Am

2008-06-10T20:21:00.001-05:00

Lord You Are Good

2008-06-10T17:13:00.000-05:00