Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I'll Never Know Why - But I Do Know...

So many times we ask the question, "Why?"  Why did I end up here?  Why did I lose that job?  Why did my friend walk away?  Why did my boyfriend leave me?  Why did I fail that test?  Why did she die?  Why do I obsess over stupid things that really don't mater?  Why do I have this disability? The "why" questions can be endless.  And if we aren't careful, we can drive ourselves completely crazy with the limitlessness of the word "why". 

Today I sit contemplating my own "why" questions.  Why this?  Why that?  Why not?  Why? Why? Why? And I realize I'm sounding a bit like a baby.  Furthermore, I'm looking into the past - the past that I can do nothing about.  It is over and done with.  It cannot be changed.  It cannot be removed.  It is what it is. 

I've recently started dating someone that has made me think about this quite a bit.  He lives fully in the present.  And for a planner like myself, it has rocked my boat.  It has made me feel completely uncomfortable.  It has, more than once, made me want to walk away.  But something keeps drawing me closer to this crazy way of thinking (HA - don't tell him I said that).  There is something to this living in the present. 

Of course there is a balance, but the Lord reminds me of these verses:

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 3:12-14

We have today.  Each day I wake up - that one moment - is all I am promised.  I don't know if the rest of the day will be seen.  I don't know if that evening I will lay my head on my pillow.  But what I do know is that each moment is for God.  Each moment is for His glory.  And if I get so wrapped up in my past or my future, I will not be able to see what it is He has for me today. 

Monday, February 21, 2011

What Do You Want To Be?

What is it that you want to be?  A good wife?  A good husband?  A good employee?  How about a good christian even?  It seems as if more and more we are trying to be better at so many different things.  Every time you turn around there is some new self help book out.  Or a 10 step program to getting your life in order. 

But today I was reminded of a song that simplified it all.  At the end of the day isn't it best to desire to be a child of God?  We make it so hard.  We confuse His love with earthly love.  Often times we believe we can do this or that and be satisfied.  We can earn the peace He gives and work for the love that He showers, but we are often left empty.  Mainly because its a matter of acceptance on our part.  Its a matter of simply accepting our role - a child of God.  There is nothing we can do to make Him love us more.   There is no amount of service that will make Him proud.  It's the surrender to Him that excites Him. 

A Child of God

With every breath with every salt
From what it seem to the deepest part
I offer all that I've come to be
To know your love fathering me

Father you're all I need
My souls sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
You arms enfold me
Till I am only
A child of God

With every step on this journey's walk
And wisdom songs
But the soul is sad
I give my self unreservedly
To know your love fathering

Father you're all I need
My souls sufficiency
My strength when I am weak
The love that carries me
You arms enfold me till I am only
A child of God

So today, Lord help me to surrender to You.  I want to first and foremost be a Child of God.

Friday, January 21, 2011

He Longs For Me

"Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him.  O people in Zion, inhabitant in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you." Isaiah 30:18-19 (underlining mine)

Currently I'm involved in Priscilla Shirer's bible study, Jonah, Navigating a Life Interrupted.  Though we are only on week three, God has convicted me, blessed me, and encouraged me.  Like Jonah, I have, more than once, ran away from what God has called me to do.  I have justified my jog (yeah, I'm not much of a runner) in the other direction.  I have blamed others for getting me off track.  And I too have tried to get on a boat and sail far, far away from everything dear to me, including the presence of my Lord. 

But my Lord longs for me (and you).

Do you grasp the magnitude of that?  Do I need to say it again?  The Lord longs for you.  I'm reminded of a poem I read in high school that has not, and will not leave me.  It is by far one of my favorites.  And to me, this is what love feels like

This Want of You

This want of you is like no other thing;
It smites my soul with sudden sickening;
It binds my being with a wreath of rue - -
This want of you.

It flashes on me with the waking sun;
It creeps upon me when the day is done;
It hammers at my heart the long night thru - -
This want of you.

It sighs within me with the misting skies;
Oh, all the day within my heart it cries;
Old as your absence, yet each moment new - -
This want of you.

 Mad with demand and aching with despair,
It leaps within my heart and you are - where?
God has forgotten, or he never knew -
This want of you.
 - Ivan Leonard Wright

And if that is how I feel love as a mere human - do I dare imagine how God's longing for us may be?  Can you comprehend it?  Can your wrap your mind around it?  Do you accept that He longs to be gracious to you?  Do you accept that He desires to be compassionate to you?  Or do you, like so many (including myself), wonder if God looks on you with disdain, shaking His head, wondering why it is He created you?  You wonder if maybe you should give up because - quite frankly - you are just too far gone? 

My friend, wrap yourself up in this verse.  Get it deep down in your heart.  Allow the Holy Spirit to give you a supernatural revelation of what God is trying to say to us through this verse.  He is not like us.  He does not want to punish us.  He does not want to give us "what for".  He does not want to say "I told you so."  He does not want to rub your nose in your mistakes. Instead, He longs to be gracious to us.

My friend Webster defines long as: to feel a strong desire or craving especially for something not likely to be attained.

(Take my breath away.) 

Are you listening my friend?  Are you getting this?  He knows there will be times when you will turn your face away from Him, but that does NOT keep Him from desiring you and looking for every opportunity to be gracious to you.  And it does not keep Him from trying.  That would go against His very nature! 

So - now the question is: Are you running?  Has He asked you to do something that you quite honestly do not want to do?  You are not alone my friend.  BUT!  Knowing what you now know - how can you keep running?  How can you simply turn your face away from His grace?  I know that what He has called you to do is not easy.  I know that it requires sacrifice.  I know that you will stand before Him broken.  I know, because - I too am there.  But surrender yourself to Him today. 

He has chosen you for this task because you were perfectly made to accomplish it.  He can do it alone.  He doesn't need your help.  But He chooses to use you as His vessel.  Allow Him to mold you into the man or woman of God to fulfill His plan. 

He is The Master of taking what is broken and producing a Masterpiece.  Will you allow Him to do that today?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Godly Correction

Today I got a spanking from God. Yep, at 31 years old I'm still getting spanked by my Father. You know how your parents tell you something, you take it to heart, and then, and then, and then you just - forget it? Forget it was ever spoken. Forget it ever gripped your thoughts, not to mention your heart. And forget to actually do what it was they told you to do. Yeah. That's me in a nutshell. I forgot, didn't walk it out, and today I got reminded by a big spanking. And it hurt. Brought me to tears. Humbled me. Brought me to more tears. But He gripped my heart again.  He has a way of always bringing us back to what He has planned for us as along as we allow Him to. 

I don't know what you're facing today. I don't know if there is something you've decided to forget for comforts sake, like I did. I don't know if the fear of the unknown has caused you to close an ear to what the Father said. But if it has, please friend, open that ear back up. Don't make Him spank you like He spanked me today. ITS NO FUN - TRUST ME! Take Him at His Word. Trust Him enough to walk with you through whatever He has called you to do. Open your ears to His Words. They bring life, joy, comfort and peace. Commit yourself back to Him today.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

While I'm Waiting

Has the Lord promised you something? He has me, however, I'm still in the waiting stage. And the waiting stage is seriously no fun. If you're anything like me you tend you get impatient and try moving on to something else to keep your mind off the something promised. And before you know it, you've completely forgotten all about the thing you had been promised. You start to get wrapped up in the things that probably aren't the best for you. You become lax in what God has called you to do. You fail to stay abiding in Him and His Word. And suddenly, you find you have drifted away from the promise, but worse yet, away from the Promiser. All the while, the Lord looks at you with loving eyes, saying, "Come here, my child."

That's probably never happened to you, but it has me. I've gotten used to the fast lane in life and I like it. I want it here and now and my way. I want to see the promise fulfilled - but I'm unwilling to allow the Promiser to do what it takes for me to handle the promise. (Ouch! That wasn't easy to admit)

So here I am, again recently reminded of the promise. And what will I do? Will I search again for something to take my mind off of it because I don't have the faith that God will come through - or will I allow God to do what He must do in order to prepare me for the promise? Right now, I am waiting. I won't say that I won't get side tracked because Lord knows, I've said just such before. However, today I commit to waiting on Him. I commit to trusting that His ways ARE most definitely better than my ways. I say, "Lord, mold me and make me into whatever it is you'd have me to be.  I choose to wait on your promise.  And should I get distracted, Lord, draw me back to you."

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Head Up Young Person

But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

— Psalm 3:3 (NIV)

The past few weeks have been trying.  And with this new year finally here I'd like to say that it has all of a sudden become easier.  However - it has not.  Naturally we face things in life that try to bog us down, but our Lord is ever present, always reminding us  - He is there.  He is walking with us.  He is holding up His Shield to protect us from the jabs of the enemy.  And He does lift up our heads. 

I'm reminded of David and what he must have been thinking when he was being faced with the ugly truth that the king he trusted, no longer trusted him.  But instead Saul wanted David dead.  Wow.  How many times have we been faced with situations where someone we trusted turned on us?  Or a moment when you thought things were going one way but you quickly realized - they were actually going in the opposite direction?  How how about when you have felt like the whole world was against you?

Again, our Lord is ever present.  He is near.  And He is always protecting us.  Did you ever stop to think - though you are going through THIS trial, He has actually been protecting you from OTHER trials that could have taken you to your breaking point?  He always has our best interest at heart.  And though its difficult to take in, what He allows us to go through is to make us better men and women of God.  He loves us enough to make us more like Him.

So with that said - Head up young person!  He is your Shield.  He has bestowed you with His glory (WOW....what an honor).  And He has lifted up your head.  Don't insult Him by putting it back down.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year 2011

For many I know this past year has a been a very trying year.  It has been a year filled with job losses and family losses and financial losses.  For many it has been a year that has tested their faith in ways they never thought imaginable.  I know more than one person that is glad to see 2010 in their rear view mirror for a hope of a brighter 2011. 

Like so many, this year has been a trying year for me.  I have been humbled and brought low.  And though  you would think one would learn - I have been humbled and brought low some more because I apparently didn't learn my lesson the first time.  But thank God His mercies are new everyday. 

However much I'd love to stay negative and focus on the horrible year we all have had - I'd much rather like to take a moment of gratitude and thank the One who has brought me (and us) through it all.

O Lord my God,
When I in awesome wonder
Consider all
The works Thy Hand hath made,

I see the stars,
I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy pow'r throughout
The universe displayed;

When through the woods
And forest glades I wander
I hear the birds
Sing sweetly in the trees;

When I look down
From lofty mountain grandeur
And hear the brook
And feel the gentle breeze;

Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come,
With shouts of acclamation,
And take me home,
What joy shall fill my heart!

Then I shall bow
In humble adoration
And there proclaim,
"My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!
Then sings my soul,
My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art!
How great Thou art!

Lord, My Lord.  Thank you for all you blessed me with this past year.  First and foremost, thank you for your daily forgiveness.  I know many times I often fail to remember the magnitude of your sacrifice, but thank you for never failing to forgive me.  You have walked with me through a year that has been trying and many times overwhelming.  You have seen my tears.  You have felt my pain.  And you heard my cry.  You have seen my brokenness and poured your oil of healing on my wounds. Yet through it all, You have silently spoken words of peace and hope even when I failed to listen.  How you remain faithful to me even when I have so often been unfaithful to you humbles me yet again. 

Though my finances were strained You always managed to show up despite my lack of faith and trust. And you have brought me to a place where I feel as if I can now see the light at the end of a tunnel.

When something dear was taken away, you have manged to help me through it and hold my hand.

I will not understand why some things were allowed and others were not, but God, You are still God. 

No matter my situation.  You are still God.  No matter the battle I face.  You are still God.  No matter the fear that tries to tear me down.  You are still God.  And when its all said and done - it will be YOU that remains, My God, You ARE STILL GOD!

Please bless me this next year.  Draw me nearer to you.  Guide my every step.  Prepare the way before me.  Open the doors you'd have me walk through and close tightly the ones I'm not to go through.   In Jesus' Name I pray, AMEN!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Boooo For Broken Marriages

Today I came across a post someone put up declaring the break up of Scarlett Johansson & Ryan Reynolds's marriage.  And like that person, I sometimes wonder - is there any chance of a successful marriage these days.  I know, it rarely happens in Hollywood, but I'm really not even talking about them.  In real life people have no staying power anymore.  Its as if people have said its okay to walk away when you don't feel like loving someone anymore. 

I'm not married so I don't have any great advice to give.  But I do hope to be (yes, Love, I still love you) someday.  So, many times when I come across someone that has been in a successful marriage, I'm generally intrigued.  I like to ask, "What is your secret to a successful marriage?"  And many times they laugh.  But most of the time they follow with a nugget of information and I hold on to it dearly. 

So today I came across a comment someone made on an unrelated article. I thought I would share it.  This is what he said:

"Marriage is always a work in progress and failure is never an option. Keeping humor and excitement in your relationship will keep the fires burning in your hearts."

I love it - Marriage is always a work in progress and failure is never an option.  How often do we hear people say, "it just didn't work out".  I always want to say WHY????  Who gave up?  Why settle for failure?  So many times in life, its the things I had to fight for that were worth something.  The Bible clearly says:

Eph 6:13,14 Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place

Stand your ground, doing everything you know to stand....and then Stand firm some more.  Need I say more?

Keeping humor and excitement in your relationship will keep the fires burning in your hearts.  My Love knows more than anyone that I'm seriously just a goofball, but a serious goofball.  I don't mind doing a little jig here and there to make him smile.  However, deep down there is a seriousness about me that many see, but few can really breakthrough.  And at times, the seriousness gets the better of me.  I'm not saying ignore issues that need to be resolved, but I am saying, learn to laugh together.  My Love and I are still working on that, but I'd say we laugh with each other everyday.  And I think that's important. 

Again, I'm no expert.  I haven't even started.  But don't you think a nugget is a nugget, no matter who it comes from?

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Tiffany Blue

I am currently obsessed with everything Tiffany Blue though I have not added it into my life as of yet.  But have no fear - it draws near.  I've decided to transform my guest bedroom into a Tiffany Blue Box.  I recently purchased a white and black duvet, black candles, a Tiffany Blue (acutally a shade darker) and black lamp.  I'm currently looking for Tiffany Blue sheets.  Accesories will soon follow I'm sure.  My plan is to paint the bedroom walls and floor (yes floor - that ugly carpet is coming up) Tiffany Blue.  I haven't decorated anything in quite some time so I'm completely excited about this endeavor.  I just have to find the right paint color.  Here are some recent pictures that I've fallen head over heals for.  Enjoy!  I know I have.

I am only hoping I can come across a chandelier like this

I want these!

Beyond adorable

A place to call home.

Absolutely Breathtaking

Friday, November 5, 2010

Walking to the Alter

There are moments in life where decisions have to be made that are not always easy. And rarely are they easy to stand by - but they are a must.  The moment of decision does not come suddenly, but through many hours of thought and anguish.  You are well aware of the possible outcomes.  You are aware of the costs.  And you are completely aware of the pain that could follow.  But at the end of the day - a decision must be made and you must trust that God is in control. 

Abraham faced something like that.  God told him to do something he would never have imagined.  God told him to sacrifice his only son.  Can you imagine?  You were told by God that you would be the father of many nations, yet you have no child.  And God doesn't give you one right away.  He waits until you're old and then says - okay - now I'll give you a son.  So here you are - old - finally with this son you've dreamed about - and God tells you to go sacrifice him!  Are you KIDDING ME!?!  No, God was not kidding.  I'm sure Abraham wished he heard God wrong at that moment.  Just the thought makes my heart sink.  Yet, a decision had to be made.  Will I do what must be done?  Or will I follow my own plan?  Will I do what is best in God's eyes?  Or will I do what is best for me?  Don't act like you haven't contemplated the thought of what is best for you instead of what is God's best.  And so, I'm sure with heavy heart, our father Abraham followed God's lead.  He gathered his things, including his only son, and headed to the alter where he would make a sacrifice. 

What has God asked you to sacrifice?  Is there something He is asking you to lay on the alter before Him?  He has of me.  And I have walked to the alter and laid it down.  You see, we know the end of the story of Abraham.  We know that God provided another sacrifice.  However, sometimes we forget that Abraham had to actually put Isaac on that alter.  I sit here trying to imagine how Abraham must have felt.  Fear?  God, what will Sarah say about this?  Will she understand?  Hurt?  God, I don't know why you are asking me to do this.  Why did you give him to me in the first place?  Brokenness?  I know this man of God tried to be strong, but I can almost see his already swollen eyes and then the all too familiar tears start streaming down his face as he looks at his son.  And finally trust.  God I will trust you because you are my God.  You gave, but today, you take away.  Thank you for the moments you allowed me to have.  Then.  Then and only then did God bring another sacrifice on the scene. 

Here we are at decision time.  Will I trust God, or will I trust my emotions?  Oh I've felt all of those emotions.  Fear, hurt, brokenness.  I know them all too well.  I wish I could tell myself that God will show up just like He did for Abraham.  But that doesn't always happen.  The trust is - trusting that God's ways are higher than our ways.  His plans are higher than our plans.  God is still God, no matter the outcome.  Know that my friend. 

And so I, with shaky legs, fear of the unknown, hurting heart, and swollen eyes have come to God to sacrifice what is His.  Because at the end of the day - I am not my own.  I was bought with a price.  I am not here for my glory and my plans but to glorify Him. 

Ephesians 5:20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

He is Worthy

Do you ever have those days where you wake up desperate for something encouraging to happen?  Hoping that there will a break in dam that seems to hold you back?  Life isn't bad, but today you've been hurt and there is no shoulder to cry on.  There is no one to say, I understand.  You feel utterly alone. Today is just that day.  However, instead of getting up and searching for something positive I chose to stay in bed.  I chose to lay there wishing I could fall asleep and not wake until the next morning.  No one look at me.  No one touch me.  Just let me sulk and continue to feel hurt. 

And God says - Get up, Liberty.  Then subtly He reminds me of a verse. 

You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
— 1 Peter 2:9 (NIV)

He has called me chosen, royal, holy, and most importantly - HIS.  But it doesn't stop there.  He has made us all these things to declare His praises.  He is worthy to be praised no matter what situation I am in.  He is worthy to be praised no matter the hurt I may feel.  He is worthy to be praised in the good times and bad.

So today, Lord, I praise you for all that you are.  You are the Great I Am.  You are the Beginning and the End.  You are my strength and my song.  You are my Comforter and Friend.  You are Holy, Holy, Holy. 

I'm thankful God didn't wake up this morning and say - No one look at me, No one touch me.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Oh The Places You'll Go

Maybe I've posted this before - but its worth a second go around.  Dr. Seuss was amazing with his simple nugguts of wisdom.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

by Dr. Seuss


Today is your day.

You’re off to Great Places!

You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!

You’ll be seeing great sights!

You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.

Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So…get on your way!

Friday, July 30, 2010

And I Shall Be Called Traveler

After this summer, I have decided that - when I grow up - I want to be a Traveler.  Yes, you heard me right.  I want to be a traveler.  I want to go here and there and everywhere and do it again and again.  This year has started something that I don't believe will ever be completely satisfied - and thus - I won't be satisfied.   I don't believe that I'll be able to sit back and live a normal life of staying home all the time and worrying with things like the grass getting cut or the weeds being pulled or the flowers getting watered.  Maybe I should look into condos?!?!?  I will go and see and do until my heart is content - but it won't be because there will always be something new and exciting to do and see.  (Okay so maybe I'm dreaming - but let me have my little dream.  I don't allow myself to have too many of them!)

I realized that I haven't posted too many pics on here lately of my travels so here are some of my expereinces.  Enjoy (I sure did!)

Wicked - an amazing show

The best Panini I think I've ever put in my mouth!

Times Square

My Lady Liberty

Me about to kick some go cart butt!

Canterbury Race Track - Minnesota
Minnesota - I still can't believe how much I liked it there.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Enter the Throne Room

Today I find myself extremely restless....craving a moment with God, yet doing everything but being still enough to hear His voice or even just talk to Him.  I've gone to the grocery store.  I've stained the desk.  I've taken my computer to the repairman.  I've washed and put the dishes away.  I've put a load of laundry in the wash.  I've looked at Facebook more times than I care to admit.  And here I am writing a post!  I'm desiring a moment with God, yet I do everything but spend time with Him.  Something is completely wrong with this picture.  How did life get so packed with busy-ness (is that a word?) that I can't seem to stop for the moment that I'm desiring?  And when I actually sit and ponder this, I realize its not busy-ness....its me.  If I want a moment with God - I need to take it like the Wine Diva took the race (guess you had to be there)! 

Hebrews 4:16
Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

When I go visit my parents,  I knock on the door, but I don't wait for them to answer.  I just walk on in! God longs for a relationship with us.  He longs for us to be with Him.  And yet, so many times we shuffle our feet outside of His door instead of just walking right on in.  Its okay - He's waiting for you.

And for me....I've gotta go.  My Father is expecting me!

Friday, July 9, 2010

If You Aren't Careful

I can't say that I've lived a very exciting life. I haven't been to the moon. I haven't cured cancer. I haven't caught a purse snatcher. And I probably haven't changed a lot of lives around me. Its easy to get wrapped up in the everyday business of going to work/school/both. Its easy to see the same people day in and day out and fail to actually see them. Its easy to forget the important things like eatting snow cones, getting kisses from your puppy, getting lost in a child's laughter, feeling the sand between your toes, be the reason someone smiles, watching the sunrise/sunset, get lost in rolling hills, feel the wind in your hair, dance like no one is around, and laugh until it hurts and keep laughing. No one can do it for you - you have to live your own life. And if you aren't careful - life will pass you by and you will be left wondering where it went. So has my life been exciting? No. But I have lived life. It hasn't always been fun or easy. It has had its highs and its lows. I have loved and lost...and still been blessed enough to love again. I have gained friends and lost friends and gained again. I have seen places I never thought I would see. I have accomplished things I never thought possible. I have failed. I have succeeded. And I have lived.

Thank God for that.

Saturday, June 5, 2010


Philippians 4:19
And my God shall supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

It always amazes me when God surprises us out of no where. I mean - I never saw it coming. Its not that I didn't think He was capable. Its not that I thought He didn't care. It just never occurred to me to expect it.

Lately I've been a bit discouraged. Here I am out of school and want to work to save money for next semester (not to mention pay my current bills). Yet I find it difficult to get the days. And the thought runs through my mind over and over again - if you don't work you don't eat. I'm a firm believer in that. And still - its not that I don't want to work - I just can't get the days to work. So finally I prayed (why do we sometimes look to God last instead of first???? Please tell me I am not the only one that has been guilty of this a time or two!). And then all of a sudden God started opening the doors.

James 1:6-7
But when you ask [God], but sure that you really expect Him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.

He does promise us that He will take care of us. If He takes care of the birds - surely He will take care of His children. I mean surely! But if we don't expect anything - If we don't anticipate He will come through on such a promise - why should He? Fortunate for me (and you), He abounds in grace and mercy. Even when I neglect the simplest of acts - just to expect Him to show up - He does it anyway. I am humbled that He cares enough show up. I am humbled by His thoughtfulness. And I am humbled that He chose me - on this day - to give a surprise to.

Expect something from God today and see what He does!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

What is Love?

Really, what is love? I feel like I need to break out into that song tonight because it expresses everything I want to say right now but don't know how.

In Bible study tonight I was hit with a few eye opening moments that relate to my situation right now.

1. Love keeps no records of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13 speaks nothing but about love and what it is and isn't. Today, even before I was hit with that passage, I knew that I knew - that I love him. And that made matters worse. Because if truth be told, it would be so much easier to realize that I really did not love him at all - that it was nice, yes, but it was not love. Alas, that was not the case. So when I came home tonight and found a dozen roses on my door step with a card that simply read "I'm Sorry" I began to sob like a baby to the point of physically getting ill. Mainly because - I don't know how to respond. This man I love never tells me he is sorry - and he chooses this moment to express those powerful words. Words that heal. Words that comfort. Whether you're wrong or right - they are powerful. But how do you express to someone that - this is my heart you're dealing with and you've pierced it deeply. You cut me, you cut me deep (okay so thats an inside joke - even though its quite real).

2. I am a stepping stone for God. That is all I am and everything that I am all in one. Every moment of my life should be lived to further His kingdom. And so in looking at my current situation...I asked myself "Have you been a stepping stone in his life?" "Have you left a mark on his life for God that cannot be erased?" I pray I have. I pray that each day he would forget more and more the hurtful things of the past because of the love I poured into his life. I pray each day he would see himself more and more as the child of God than the negative thoughts he has of himself because of the postive things I try to instill in him. But if truth be told, I have no clue. I do know that I tried to love him with everything I was. I tried to give of myself with no holding back even though at moments I called myself a fool for doing so. At times I'm sure I've been guarded, for fear of getting hurt. But each day I tried to give a nugget of love that was lasting - hopefully I succeeded.

So what is love?
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resonding gong or clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have no love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain; faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Friday, February 26, 2010

What Are You Afraid Of?

The past two weeks I have been fighting an inward battle. There have been hurtful events this year that have caused emotions to rise up from deep within that I'd rather suppress. I'd rather act like they weren't there because the honest truth is - they are ugly and foul and not very becoming. I've tried ignoring them. I've tried covering them up with a smile. I've tried pretending the events never happened. But they did and the emotions are real.

And so this week, God in all His wisdom uncovered them. He slowly started at the edge of the band-aid....and then ripped it off! It started with a question from my mother and ended with me vehemently spewing words of anger and bitterness out of my mouth. I was shocked! I thought it was under control. I thought I had accepted this fate. I even prayed blessings for this one that caused a hurt so deep. Really, I should have been okay, right? And so I prayed some more. Then God brought another unsuspecting bystander along, who was simply making conversation. And I lost it. I unloaded a hurt on an innocent one. And so I was wrong. Very wrong. I was no okay.

So choosing a moment that was completely uncomfortable to me - choosing a moment where I was surrounded by many (by my standards) God spoke 5 simply words to me through Beth Moore. Beth overwhelms me with knowing what to say at exactly the right time. Her question was: What are you afraid of? (those are not the 5 words - hang in there with me) I sat there and pondered - what exactly am I afraid of? I knew it was something, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I've said it a million times when asked that question, but for whatever reason it had left me. And then she spoke the one nasty word - Failure. Fear of failing God. Fear of failing those around me. Fear of failing myself. I realized at that moment that the fear of failing someone had come to pass, but it didn't end there. I felt as if someone had failed me. Then He said it: "I will never fail you." And the dam broke. The tears I was holding back could be held back no more. They were streaming down my face. My nose was running. And the more I tried to hold back, the more the tears came. I was sobbing. I was broken. And God said, "But, My Love, I will not fail you." "Stop depending on people - and depend on me."

Joshua 1:9 Be strong and of good courage. Do not be afraid or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

How stubborn we are that we have to go through such heart wrenching moments to hear what our Father is saying? It really must just be me.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


There are days when I feel as if every moment passes by and nothing special has happened. Its an everyday kind of day that neither thrills nor depresses, but just IS. And then there are days that are enveloped with little surprises or miracles that can take your breath away. They are the moments that are least expected and maybe never even dreamed. Yet for whatever reason, God graces you with a moment that will touch your heart.

Last night I had a moment. It was a moment that may not seem like much to most, but to me it was touching. And even now I'm left nearly speechless as to how I felt. As we sat down to eat, the Boyfriend (whose name will remain nameless because he really may not want his name splashed on the internet) muted the t.v. and asked, shall we pray? ...... That's it.

You're probably thinking, What? Are you serious? Is all this special moment crap really about a blessing over dinner? And the answer is, Yes. For me, it was a moment. He didn't know he was about to create a moment, but it was he who pricked my heart with joy and hope and love. And so right there at dinner, I felt blessed (for a number of reasons I'll keep to myself). So, to the Boyfriend, thank you. xoxox

The moments are there if we will only take the time to view life a little differently than we did the day before.

"There are only two ways to live your life. One as though nothing is a miracle. The other as if everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein

Monday, January 4, 2010

God Works With What He's Got...

Today I came across this in an email. So many times we look at our lives and what we are or are not and figure God can't use us - much less love us. Why we look at ourselves through human eyes is beyond me - especially in light of the fact that God only looks at us through eyes of love. Next time you're down on yourself and how you don't think you "measure up" to what God expects - think on this....

The next time you think God can't you use you, just remember.....
Noah was a drunk
Abraham was too old
Isaac was a daydreamer
Jacob was a liar
Leah was ugly
Joseph was abused
Moses had a studdering problem
Gideon was afraid
Samson had long hair and was a womanizer
Rahab was a prostitute
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
David had an affair and was a murderer
Elijiah was suicidal
Isaiah preached naked
Jonah ran from God
Job went bankrupt
Peter denied Christ
The Disciples fell asleep while praying
Martha worried about everything
The Samaritan woman was divorced, more than once
Zaccheus was too small
Paul was too religious
Timothy had an ucler
And Lazarus was dead!

Kind of gives you hope, huh?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Let It Go

When is it time to let go and when is it time to keep pressing on? You truly never know what life has in store for you - or better yet, what God has in store for you. When you lose something or someone dear to you - do you let it go or do you press on until you get it back? I don't have the answer to that. I wish I did because I have lost someone so dear to me and its tearing me up inside. I'm sure those closest to me can see it but I've tried to keep my head held high. But at night, when its just me and the stillness - I'm broken. I'm troubled with doubt and confusion and hurt and anger....and just wish I'd wake up from the bad dream and everything be okay again. But its not a bad dream...its my life - and its real.

When I first lost my dear friend this was sent to me....yet I'm having a hard time embracing it and letting go. How do you just "let go" of someone and something so dear? How do you say "okay God, I give it to you" when it seemed so right? This isn't the first time something like this has happened and though you would think it would get easier - it is not. It is sad and depressing and is breaking me to the core. But here it is...maybe this time something will click and I can accept what has been lost.

Letting Go

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this - When people can walk away from you: let them walk!

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. You destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be manifest that they were not for us. For had they been for us, no doubt they would have continued with us. 1 John 2:19

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you cannot make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.

And you've got to know when a persons part of the story is over so you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when its dead.

You've got to know when its over. Let me tell you something...I've got the gift of good-bye. Its the 10th spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. Its not that I'm hateful, its that I'm faithful and I know that whatever God means for me to have, He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it.

Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...

Let it Go!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...

Let it Go!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back and see your worth...

Let it Go!

If someone has angered you...

Let It Go!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of anger or revenge...

Let It Go!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...

Let It Go!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs and talents...

Let It Go!

If you have a bad attitude...

Let It Go!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...

Let It Go!

If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...

Let It Go!

If you're struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...

Let It Go!

If you're trying to help someone that won't even try to help themselves...

Let It Go!

If you're feeling stressed and depressed...

Let It Go!

If there is a situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take yours hands off of it", then you need to...

Let it Go!

The Battle Is The Lords!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Ask And You Shall Receive....

When we pray do we actually expect an answer from God? Do we actually mean what we're asking? How do we react when He does answer and its not in the way we quite expected. I'll be the first to admit that I may get my feelings hurts. I may pout and be a little pissy for a while. But when I actually sit and look at what He's doing - its worth it. Shouldn't we know He always has our best interest at hand?

Recently I've prayed about something and I haven't actually gotten an answer. But I keep telling myself - Regardless of the outcome He is in control. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Maybe God is waiting to see what I'll do in the waiting period. Will I get impatient and try to work it out in my strength or will I trust in His plans? Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day

I'd just like to say a quick Happy Mother's Day to my Mother and all the other moms out there. Through the years my mom has been loving, even when I may not have been most agreeable. Thank you, Mom. I'll always love you!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Our House, Is a Very Very Very Fine House

The house has been painted and it looks great. Just thought I'd share!

Kentucky Derby Party 2009

So this past Saturday my Sunday School class had a Kentucky Derby much fun. I was the only person that actually "dressed" the part, but I didn't care. If I was going to wear a big fancy hat I was going to dress up too. Anyway, here are a few picture of our day.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Happy Birthday to My Best Friend, JULIE!!!

I won't tell them how old you are.

Tea Anyone?

So yesterday was the great Anti-Tax Tea Party...well several around the country were held. Since yesterday was a complete blur I didn't get to see how it was received. This morning I read this article: Anti-tax "tea parties" being held across the U.S. and one part stood out to me.

Before I go any farther I really want to ask a question....Does anyone LISTEN to what Obama says? I'm really being serious here because what he SAYS and what he DOES rarely coincides yet so many are fooled into believing this man is for "the people". And yet everyday I get viewed as a raciest or bitter because I don't agree with this man. Does anyone actually SEE what horrible things he has done since he has been in office? Everyone, including Obama, wants to put the blame on Bush (BTW, Bush warned of a falling economy in 2002- but no one remembers that, hummm) for all the bad that is going on instead of taking responsibility and owning it.

Okay so this is the part that stood out to me the most:
Obama acknowledged the protests. "For too long, we've seen taxes used as a wedge to scare people into supporting policies that increased the burden on working people instead of helping them live their dreams," he said. "That has to change, and that's the work that we've begun."

Did I just read that? "that's the work that we've begun." WHAT? Why does he think these people are HAVING these tea parties? Not because of the great changes that have taken place but because of the HORRIBLE CHANGES!!!!!!!!! But so many people are sitting back and thinking he totally agrees. WAKE UP PEOPLE! QUIT BEING SHEEP! LISTEN FOR YOURSELF! The proof is in the results....and I hate to break it it you - MY GRANDCHILDREN WILL BE PAYING FOR OBAMA'S 'CHANGE'.

I'm disgusted.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'm So Excited And I Just Can't Hide It...

I have officially been acceptted into the dental hygiene program!!!! YAY me! I'm so glad I'm not going to have to take other measures to get in. The honest way is always the best! (hahaha)

I will be starting in the fall. I know the next few months will probably fly by since I have so many things I need to get taken care of. Thats the way things go isn't it?

Anyway to all who have prayed for me - thank you. Please continue to pray that I get the loan money I need to live on while in school.

Friday, March 20, 2009

2012....Will You Ever Get Here?

After the "President's" remark about his bowling abilities looking like the "Special Olympics or something" - that is my exact thought. In all fairness I have to admit....I've said things like that a time or two. I've even called people retarded. BUT I'm never going to run for President (as many give a sign of relief).

When will we get someone in office that has some class? When will we get someone in office that truly has a heart for all the American People? When will we get a President in office that cares more about the welfare of our country than picking his bracket for the NCAA?

Am I the only person that feels this way? Of course there are those of you that feel sorry for poor Obama and think .... ' he's a regular guy too you know'.... I hate to point this out but it looks as if I must. If he wanted to be a regular guy he shouldn't have ran for President. If he wanted to be a regular guy he should have continued to be a community organizer. But the fact of the matter is he DID run for President of the United States and is now one of the most powerful people in the world....HE IS NOT A REGULAR GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so tired of hearing people make excuses for him. If thats all he's good for is giving people reason to make up excuses then why in GOD'S NAME DID YOU VOTE FOR HIM?!?!?!?!?! (ummm, yes, I said YOU because I my friend did NOT vote for him - I still have the sign in my yard to prove it!!!) Don't we all have better things to do with our time than make us excuses????

And my last little rant will be this....For those of you that continue to think I'm a bitter b*^%@# - I'm just wondering - what would you have said had President Bush made the same remark???? Do we have a Double Standard for a trillion dollars Alex????

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Is It Me....

Or is everyone getting married???

After many, many weeks I figured it was time to make a post. Life has been busy. School has taken over my life and I am officially wore out. I will definitely be glad when this semester is over. I finished Anatomy and Physiology I with an "A" and have started A&P II. I sent off my Dental Hygiene application and have already been called back for an interview (pray I do well). And with a little kick in the rear, hopefully my Nutrition Instructor will get his act together!

But in the middle of all my hustle and bustle I have found one common thread among me....everyone is getting married. I can't tell you the number of people in my singles Sunday school class that are "tying the knot". Even Jane Green recently got married (Congrats Jane!!!).

Despite every effort, I'm starting to feel a bit of pressure as I inch (faster and faster though I try to drag my feet) toward the big 3-0. The fact of the matter is there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I can do to change the fact that I'm single. And the one question that keeps going through my mind is...."Are you even ready to get married?" I have no idea what that answer might even be. Yes, I'd love to find the perfect man for me....but even if he were to show up tomorrow would I be ready? Would I be ready in a month? Or six months? Or even a year? Is anyone ever really ready at all for marriage?

Even though I'm about to be 30 I sometimes feel as if I'm still a little girl. I feel as if I have a million things I have to and want to accomplish before anyone steps into my little picture. I feel as if there is so mach that God has to work in me before anyone steps on the scene.

So am I ready? Nah. Despite all the pressure I put on myself I feel this time is for me. Lord, knows once I do finally get married I'll never be able to say that again. So in the words of Gregory - 2009 is Mine!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Why Do We Wait Until It's Too Late?

This week a friend of mine lost her father. He has been sick for quite some time, but she could never be prepared for the impact of his death. Last night she read me a letter she wrote to him after he passed away. In it she said things that she never said to him in person. Things she felt were too cheesy to voice. Things she felt he wouldn't understand. Emotions from the heart that really can't be put into words.

Hearing her words got me thinking. Why do we wait until it's too late? Why do we not say the things that really need to be said? Why do we not express the love that overflows our hearts? Why do we not express the emotions we hold inside regardless of how difficult it may be?

Is it because of pride? Is it because of not being able to find the words? Or possibly it is because of past hurts, that we can't get past long enough to express the joy, the love, the admiration, the honor we feel for our loved one's.

Whatever it is, I wish it weren't so. I wish we all didn't wait until it was too late to say the things that we hold under lock and key deep in our hearts. I'll be the first to admit my guilt for not speaking the treasures I keep hidden in my heart. But today, listening to my friend read the words she could never express to her dad, it makes me want to try to move past my fears to ensure I don't regret saying the things that need to be said before it's too late.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Now Working For the Food Network....

Last night The Southern Gentleman (who Julie and I are thinking of naming Big Papa) took Julie and I to Ruth Chris. It was our first time there. Being big fans of BR Prime we weren't too sure what to expect, but we were pleasantly surprised. Big Papa seems to know everyone in every social circle. He introduced us to people that probably didn't care to know either one of us, but it made for an interesting night. He then started telling everyone we were both from the Food Network and that created a big laugh. Of course there were a few eyebrows raised, but most knew he was pulling their leg.

Both Julie and I got the special that included a small fillet and stuffed lobster with sides of potatoes and mushrooms. Can you say DELICIOUS? Then Big Papa forced us to try the banana pudding. It was baked in a pastry shell and the top was caramelized. Very delish.

Anyway, just wanted to give a big thank you to Big Papa. Your kindness and hospitality know no end. We love you!

Diary of a Mad Massage Therapist Vol.4

14. Refrain from propositioning your massage therapist! We're not flattered. It's not cute. It's not funny. It actually makes you look like a complete idiot and we're going to tell EVERYONE we know what an ass you are.

What would you do if someone actually said:
"Come on Texas Girl, don't be shy - Make a man out of me - I'm a big tipper"?
(for those of you who do not know...I grew up in Texas)

Well those were the exact words that came out of the mouth of a current client (aka moron!) of mine.

Do men actually believe that all women want to handle their private parts? Do they think that if given the opportunity we would just be honored to 'service' (for a lack of better words) them? If I didn't think I would have lost my job I probably would have punched him in the nether region. I wanted to let him know that he wasn't in the Best Little Whore House in Texas but in a legitimate spa and salon. I wanted to ask him to hold that thought while I went and talked to his wife. Quite honestly, I wanted to chop his dick off. Nonetheless (believe it or not), I kept my cool, ignored his 'offer' and got his ass out of my room as quickly as possible.

So for those of you that think its okay to proposition a massage therapist please refrain. I promise there will be therapists that will not be as nice. (And learn a little of bit of respect while you're at it!)

Friday, January 30, 2009

Callaway Gardens - Pine Mountain, Georgia

If anyone is looking for a little getaway, Callaway Gardens is definitely the place to go. They have a lodge, hotel, cottages, condos, and villas (and in the hotel aka Mountain Inn you can take your pets - SugarBaby and SweetPea were thrilled). However you want to spend your stay you'll find something great. The highlight of my stay was the Butterfly Observatory. I actually saw butterflies emerging from their cocoons. It was just incredible to walk around in a large open space and see them flying around you. Unfortunately we went on a cloudy day so they weren't as active as usual, but there were a few rebels out and about. They have plenty of hiking/nature trails. Nature is definitely all around. Of course the gardens weren't in bloom, but everything was still beautiful. Anyway, it was nice and peaceful. Plenty to do and just peaceful enough if you don't want to do anything at all (by the way, they have a spa!)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Am I Really ADHD Or Do I Have Too Much Energy?

1:28 a.m.

I know its been quite some time since I've made a post. However, this New Year has started out to be quite uneventful. I'm taking a couple of classes this semester (which I'm maintaining my "A's" of course) and I went to Callaway Gardens last week (which I will post pictures of soon - I hope). But all in all, everything has been quite calm despite our President thinking giving his first interview as President to an Arab network is better than to the nation that actually ELECTED him (don't take my word for it - read it for yourself - article).

Yet tonight, I cannot sleep. This week has been the first in (I would dare to say) months that I've had insomnia. In November I started working out on a regular basis. This week, I have not. Not because I'm lazy, but because I'm quite sick (the doctor is worried about me - kidding - just a little inside joke). I have some sort of sinusitis and it has me completely thrown off. I don't like being sick. I know its not as if anyone does, but I rarely get sick. And when I do it doesn't make for a good patient. I'm usually cranky and love pity parties. But today I sucked it up, went to the doctor and got a shot that is supposed to make me feel better (hopefully soon).

But all of this has gotten me thinking: Do I really have ADHD or do I just have a lot of pent up energy? The fact of the matter is that even when working out I can't seem to sit still for long. But this week of sickness has me all wired even though I should be resting. I can't seem to sit still for 5 minutes, much less the 15 I'm generally so proud of. I lay in bed and my mind is racing. This isn't abnormal, but this week I can't fall asleep despite it. This week I just lay there. My eye open wide. I'm not even tired. I haven't actually "rested" the entire time I've been sick (maybe the reason I can't get better). But I can't seem to stop. My body will not rest. Sitting here I feel my eye lids getting heavy, but the moment I crawl back into bed will their light switch automatically be thrown back on, or will my weary bones get some rest? Should I sit here in my chair and try to fall asleep sitting up or do I risk walking back to bed (just to wake myself up, no doubt)?

This has me a bit dumbfounded. I knew the exercise was helping, but until now I didn't know to what extent. I do know the moment I feel better I will be back at the gym...and back to getting some rest!


Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Happy New Year...Welcome 2009

I don't know about you, but I gladly welcome 2009. This year has been a year of complete ups and downs. But, I have to fill all of you in on a miracle just in time for the New Year. For those of you who have been praying for Lirio, Thank you. She is healed. I found out today that she has been released from the hospital. Right now she is in a neurological rehab dealing with quite a bit of pain, but getting better each day. I am so amazed at the awesomeness (is that even a word?) of God. Here is a girl that was shot in the face and lost brain matter just a few weeks ago and now is able to talk, text, and move around. God is still in the business of doing miracles. What a way to break in the New Year!

So what are you doing tonight? Me, I'll be in bed by 9:30 P.M. Exciting stuff here I tell ya. But here is to the New Year and new opportunities. Cheers!

P.S. By the way, here is my new haircut. Hope you like it!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

And Merry Christmas to all. Today was peaceful and full of joy, just as every Christmas should be. Here are a few pictures from my day. I hope everyone had a great day filled with as much peace and joy as I did.