What If...

we could stay in the fifth grade?

I still remember Mrs. Lewis's class like it was yesterday. I remember playing "Around the World" in math class wondering how some people's minds can think so quickly. I remember the day my "friend" stabbed me in the knee with her pencil. I still have the lead mark to prove it. I remember playing tetherball thinking I was "the shit", but I would not dare say "the shit" back then. And I remember being "Good Grade Buddies" with Joshua Rogers. Yeah, "Good Grade Buddy" was code for "lets cheat and make sure we end up making the same grade"!!!! For shame! I know your name!

Even though I'm 29 and have a car, have a great job, have bills and a mortgage I still see myself as being in the fifth grade. Why is that? I have no idea. I'm sure I need to talk to someone about this but I think its partly pretty innocent. It was a safer time. I can't say I was EVER carefree, however I don't remember worrying about where I should live and what I should do with the rest of my life. I lived each day for that day and that day alone. How much more do you think we would all accomplish if we did that now? I don't mean mind blowing accomplishments, but the things that actually matter - like reaching out to that person sitting at a table by him/herself. Stopping to pick up that person at the bus stop that you work with even though you don't know her. Giving the homeless person $5 even though you think they will buy alcohol with it. Loving those people in our lives for who they are regardless of what they do for us. Hummm.

Just wondering - What if?

Imaginary Friends

So I just finished a book by Cecelia Ahern called If You Could See Me Now. I won't go into grave detail about the book. You'll just have to read it for yourself. However, I will tell you that it talks a bit about Imaginary Friends and how they help you along your way. Some say imaginary friends are actually a good thing. It's a sign that your imagination is growing. This kind of troubles me because - well - I never had one. I knew I never had a huge imagination growing up and it makes me a bit sad when I really think of it. I mean I had tea parties...but I actually had tea! Why would I just imagine to have tea when my mother made tea nearly everyday and I could just get some for my little tea cups for me and my friends? It never crossed my mind that it might actually be fun to "play" like I had tea in my tea cup.

And then it makes me wonder if my social skills would have been a bit better. Anyone who really knows me is well aware that I have some kind of social anxiety disorder. Yes, of course I can get in front of a crowd of 100 or more and sing until my heart is content. But put me in a group of 3 or more and I completely shut down. I love the idea of having people over to my house, but when they actually get there I tend to hide or make my way out to the grill and let my best friend do all the socializing. She hates me for this - I'm well aware. However, it's just the way it is. I can't help it. I've tried to be better at socializing, but I try in vain. I'm just better one on one. But if I would have had an imaginary friend would this anxiety be gone?

I don't know the answer to these questions really. I'm proud of who I am and how I turned out. The fact of the matter is...had I had an imaginary friend, I probably would have turned out a little differently. And well, that just isn't possible. I am who I am. I'm who God made me to be.

So to those of you who have or had imaginary friends I wish you well on your incredible journey. And to those of you like myself, chin up - we're on our own way!

Aquarium of the Americas New Orleans and Biloxi Beach

Paul B. Johnson with Family

Ryan and Jordyn

This weekend my brother, sister-in-law, Ryan and Jordyn came into town. Here are a few recent pictures. Enjoy!

Recipe for Amish Friendship Bread

For those of you interested in making the Friendship Bread and sharing with your friends, I've found the recipe to make the starter and the bread. You'll probably want to type up the instructions for Day 1 - Day 10 to give to the friends you give starters to. Also this says that a glass jar or bowl is best to be used but I prefer the zip lock bags. This makes it easier to give away and you can also write the date on the bag. Hope you and your friends enjoy!

Ingredients:
***Starter***
1 tablespoon Active Dry Yeast
2 cups Warm Water -- (110 degrees)
1 cup Flour
1 cup Sugar
1 cup Milk
***To Make Bread***
1 cup Vegetable Oil
1 cup Sugar
2 cups Flour
3 Eggs
1 small Vanilla Pudding Mix -- Instant
1 teaspoon Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda
1/4 teaspoon Baking Powder
1/2 cup Milk
***Cinnamon Sugar***
1 cup Sugar
2 tablespoons Cinnamon

(My recipe did not call for the salt, baking soda or baking powder. If you'd like to use it go ahead, but it is to die for without!)


Directions:

For Starter: Dissolve yeast in 1/2 cup of the warm water in a deep glass or plastic container. Stir in remaining warm water, flour and sugar.

Beat until smooth. Cover. (A large glass jar or bowl with a tight fitting lid works best for this, but a 1/2 gallon zip lock baggie can also be used).

Because your first batch of starter contains fresh yeast, you can skip the next set of directions and go directly to the instructions for splitting your start.

Do not refrigerate! Do not stir with a metal spoon! The starter requires 10 days for fermentation. If you use a zip lock baggie make sure you let the air out each day.

Day 1- Begin or receive starter Day 2- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 3- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 4- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 5- Add 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk Day 6- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 7- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 8- Do Nothing Day 9- Do Nothing Day 10- Add 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk

Day 10 is when you actually split the starter to give away and begin making your bread.

Put 1 cup of starter in each of three containers. Give 2 away to friends and keep one. This will begin their Day 1.

For Bread: You will have about 1 cup of batter left (besides the 1 cup you have saved for yourself). To the remaining batter add vegetable oil, sugar, flour, baking powder, baking soda, eggs, milk, vanilla pudding mix, cinnamon, and salt. Beat until well blended. Add one cup raisins, chocolate chips or nuts, if desired.

Grease 2 loaf pans well, and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar, coating bottom well. Turn batter into pans, and sprinkle remaining cinnamon sugar onto tops of loaves. Bake at 325F degrees for one hour.


This recipe from CDKitchen for Amish Friendship Bread Starter and Bread serves/makes 5 cups

Amish Friendship Bread

Last week my friend Suzie gave me the starter for Amish Friendship Bread. Today is the day to make it. The bread takes 10 days to ferment and be ready to bake. Throughout the 10 days you have to add ingredients and "mush" the bag before it is ready. Then on the 10th day you add more ingredients, make four new starters (three of which you give away to three of your friends), and the remaining batter is what you make the bread with (after you add even more ingredients). Anyway, so today is the day and I can't wait to taste the bread! Thanks Suzie for giving me something other to do than read. By the way - I've finished one more book since my last post. Something is really wrong with me!!!

My Eyes Are Bleeding

The past two weeks I've read four books. For those of you that read a book a night...shut up! Some of us have lives! Anyway....with this said, my eyes are bleeding and I think I need to take a break. I don't want to. You see I have this insanely obsessive personailty that when I start to do something and start to enjoy I just obsess over it. Right now its reading. I stay up until all hours of the night reading - devouring every word. Then I wake up just a tad bit early so I can read before I have to get up (not to mention obsess over what's happening while I'm sleeping!!!). Then I may or may not take my book to work and read in between clients while I'm changing my sheets. YES! I know! I'm insane! Once I'm home I casually walk in say a few words to my best friend - acting as if everything is calm in my head - and then go straight back to reading, trying not to trip over the piano on my way to my bedroom. Its as if its a drug. Once I read that first word - its just utter bliss. I'm high as a freakin' kite again. Why did it have to be reading? I mean why couldn't it have been working out or something. I really could stand to lose a ... few ... pounds. But it isn't. It's reading and my eyes are bleeding. So I think I'm going to try to not read tonight. I don't know though. I just started a new book and well I think it already has me under its spell. Wish me and my eyes luck!!! I'm gonna need it. (And, NO! I don't need to see a doctor so keep your suggestions to yourself!)

Purgatory

I feel as if I'm in Purgatory. Honestly I have no idea what purgatory is like since I'm not Catholic and do not believe in such - however - if I did I'm assuming this is how it feels. And well, I'm just way too depressed to think up anything else to write. Enjoy your weekend while I continue drifting along in Purgatory Mississippi.

Dream

Today I took a nap and woke up after a dream. The dream went something like this...I was sitting in a room with some man listening to praise and worship (huh? I know). After it was done the man started walking out of the room but stopped and knealt beside me and said, " The Lord wanted me to tell you something like either He has given you the desire to have a child or another child or something, but (I felt he gestured toward me implying I was getting older....like "times a' wastin'" - HOW DARE!!!), you have to move on though." And then he just walked out of the room. Really that quick.

Now I don't know what it is I need to let go of, but I have believed for some time that God is the One that put the desire in me to have a chld. I haven't always wanted one. Even today while in the store I started to think that maybe I really should reconsider that, watching all these moms pull their children by the arms telling them "I'm tired of this attitude" and "Quit throwing that down" and children screaming and throwing fits flailing their legs and arms about. Someone would have to be insane to really WANT that....or God must put it on their heart.

And so I sit here kind of awestruck that God even spoke to me in a dream, because I've been so completely desperate lately for even just one Word. With that said, please pray for me that I'm able to move on from whatever is holding me back in my life. Apparently time is wasting and it's waiting on me.

Resignation

I have resigned myself to the fact that my house is not going to sell. So I might as well suck it up and be happy about the fact that me and my little house can keep loving each other to pieces. I'll try to fix her up a bit more, while she brings me peace. (I'm sure my best friend will be thrilled since this means she will continue to be the constant helper in that daunting task of DIY projects....cheers!)

Happy Christian Birthday to ME!!!

Twenty-two years ago today I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I was at church camp and it was July 4th. The amazing thing was, after service that night we went outside and watched fireworks. It was the angels and God rejoicing I'd like to think...."Another one has accepted Me." Really it's such a honor that God desires our love as desperately as He does. Above all else He just wants us to totally abandon ourselves to Him. It's so simple yet we make it so difficult at times. I don't know why. But today I just wanted to say, Thank you Lord for totally giving Yourself to me. I love you and each day I pray You draw me closer to You. Happy Birthday US.