And When You've Done All To Stand....Stand Firm Then

I think I've decided to stay here in Biloxi. I do have a hotel reservation in Georgia in case the storm decides to make a quick turn to the east within the next couples of hours. But I think we'll be fine. My house is boarded up so she should be fine. I'm just ready for it all to be over with. I've been praying today and feel at peace...along with so many others. God is in control.

Run and Duck for Cover

With Hurricane Gustav coming our way I still don't know what I'm going to do. I should know more by tomorrow. Fortunately our wonderful money hungry casino FINALLY decided to close down...well past nightfall...so that their employees wouldn't have any daylight to get prepared.

Forecasters keep predicting a hit in Louisiana, however there is a possibility it could hit Mississippi yet again. This my friend is not a good situation. This will be my second hurricane (the first being Katrina) and hopefully my last. I don't think I have anything left in me to continue living in an area that has threats like this. My nerves can't take it. I will do whatever is in my power to sell my house and get out of here.

I know many think we (LA and MS) are over reacting. And granted, we may be. But until you've experienced your house flooding...until you've had to sit in the attic on beams for three hours praying that the water will not rise any farther...until you've walked out in your front yard and seen the furniture of someone that lives three blocks away sitting in your yard....please don't judge. Never in a million years would I have imagined something as devastating as that....but I experienced it all. So when the possibility of another threat like THAT comes along you begin to panic a little bit....just a little bit.

I'll keep you informed of my plans.

What to Do?

I'm beginning to wonder if I should have named my blog "Stuck in Hell....Struggling to Break Free" instead of "American Woman Breaking Free". As I read my past few blogs I realize I'm chronically negative and I don't like it. The past few days I've prayed fervently asking God to give me peace. I've prayed asking God to give me direction. I've prayed asking God to help me live each day as it comes instead of worrying or wondering about tomorrow. But it seems each day it gets tougher to walk that out. I don't really know what I'm really trying to say here. I guess I just feel I'm at my breaking point. I'm beginning to understand why people run away from their lives and leave everything behind. Don't worry. I'm too sensible to do such...but it's definitely tempting.

Testing One, Two....

Okay so its only 8:15 a.m. and I'm already annoyed. Today my online classes open and I can start learning to Appreciate Art and trudge my way through Chemistry when I've long since forgotten any kind of formula.

So I log on to my Art Appreciation class to see how much time I'm actually going to have to waste on it and see I need to take a quick little Syllabus Quiz. You get to take it an unlimited number of times but you have to complete it with a 100%. No biggie. Most of my online teachers require this. Why? I have no idea. Its a waste of time and energy. If I can't figure out a few due dates and understand the syllabus as I'm reading it I really shouldn't be taking an online class in the first place. Yes, I'm talking to you if you're one of those that needs this little quiz to help you along. You are a dumb ass. I'm going off on a tangent here but I'm going to tell you why. 1. An online class is 100% reading and if you can't comprehend even the simplest of things as a syllabus there is gonna be a problem. 2. Do you not get that its a waste of time and energy? THEY DON'T EVEN GIVE YOU ANY CREDIT FOR TAKING THE STUPID QUIZ. We're all wasting our precious time because of YOU.

Okay now that I got that out we can proceed. So I'm taking this syllabus quiz and there is this one question: Quiz 5 and 8 are Proctored Quizzes. True or False. I of course put False because the syllabus clearly states several times that 5 and 10 will only be proctored. Yeah, so I get it wrong. I'm not throwing a fit just yet. I think, okay, I'll just take it again. So I take it again and I see this is a new test. Same questions but in a different order. Of course she wouldn't have the key wrong on BOTH of these tests. Surely a professor wouldn't make more than one mistake on a test that they expect us to do so well on but do not give us any credit for. So I get to the question: Quiz 5 and 8 are Proctored Quizzes. True or False. I put FALSE. Of course I put False. The answer IS false. I get it wrong. Now I'm just pissed. Not only do I pay regular tuition...I have to pay even more to take it online when the teacher doesn't even have to do as much work. This is SOOOOOOOO beyond my comprehension. But I work full-time and I really don't have any desire to go sit in a classroom during my time off. So I pay the extra money and take it up the butt. (LOL Even I'm laughing right now.) But I don't think I have should have to pay extra money to get a question wrong when in fact I put the correct answer. I don't think I should have to pay extra money to have to correct a teacher over a stupid syllabus quiz. This is just riDICulous.

So yes of course I emailed the teacher and tried to be as humble as possible about it. And of course she is going to the think I'm some smart ass, but how exactly do you say.... "Ummm, yes, this question is wrong on the test. Do you expect me to take it over and actually put the INCORRECT answer or are you going to correct it yourself?"

This is not a good start to this semester. Let us pray. I don't need to lose my witness again!

Diary of a Mad Massage Therapist Vol.2

Today was a really tough day at work. I probably lost my witness a few more times than I should have. But not only am I completely sick of massage....I'm also sick of people. People can say and do the stupidest things (yes I'm people too - I know I know). I know that's not an excuse to lose my witness, but I figured I'd use this time to add a few more rules of spa etiquette while I have them on the brain and ask God for forgiveness. Maybe you can prevent someone from losing their witness one day!

5. Do not, by any circumstances ever ask a massage therapist if their hands ever get tired. Even though they may laugh and say "Oh sometimes, but you get used to it" what they really wants to say is "YOU STUPID *&%$@! +*#%&@ of course my hands get tired. What are you going to do if I say 'why yes...they get tired all the time. As a matter of fact they are tired right now...so I'm going to stop this massage'". *sigh* Okay I feel better. Just take it from me...never ever ask that moronic question.

6. If you are a spa attendant please don't act like you are twelve years old and talk to the guest like this..."Yo Yo Yo here's a robe so get undressed and chill." I dare spit in your general direction.

7. If you are a spa manager/supervisor/dictator - oopps - director please don't take all the product and store it so far away from the spa hallway that it cuts into a guest's service. I know you enjoy micro-managing from your lovely desk and comfortable chair, but it really is about the guest. I can say this because I HAVE BEEN A SPA SUPERVISOR!!!!

8. If you schedule a Brazilian thinking that is the ethnicity of your therapist...you're sadly mistaken. You might as well not even show up for your service and let them bill you for your ignorance.

I'm really beginning to wonder if I need to write my own little spa etiquette book. I think the world really needs to hear these rules from my perspective!!!! What do you think?

Do I Feel Lighter?

So this morning I got my hair cut. I've always wanted to grow my hair out to help out a cancer patient. So today was the day. I cut off a whole 18 inches. I thought I would share the before and after pictures. If you're interested in donating your hair, check out Locks of Love. Here's to another child having hair. Cheers!

Diary of a Mad Massage Therapist Vol.1

Every once in a while (more like once an hour) I come across a few things that I'd like to shout at people while working as a massage therapist in such a lovely spa that is ranked in the top 25 of the United States. You'd think people would take us more seriously (HA HA HA)!!! Obviously not. Here are few things that come to mind.

1. Really? Is it completely necessary for someone to hold you by the hand and make sure you make it to your appointment on time. I've reserved your time for you and no one else. All you have to do is show up. ON TIME!!!! Get it together people!

2. Did you just walk 500 miles without shoes? Would YOU want to touch someone's feet that looked like sin itself?

3. Should I have to ask you to take a shower after being in a hot tub or steam room for 20 minutes? Do you know the number of skin cells that are floating on top of that water? Don't you know that the steam is just a breeding ground for bacteria? Did you even graduate high school?

4. Why are you asking me where the lockers are when you just walked past them? We haven't painted them in a camoflouge. It shouldn't be that difficult. They all have this little lock that you put your key in and voila! it opens!!! OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!!!!!!!

Those are just a few of the things that come to mind. I'm sure there will be more to come. Perhaps tomorrow!

What If...

we could stay in the fifth grade?

I still remember Mrs. Lewis's class like it was yesterday. I remember playing "Around the World" in math class wondering how some people's minds can think so quickly. I remember the day my "friend" stabbed me in the knee with her pencil. I still have the lead mark to prove it. I remember playing tetherball thinking I was "the shit", but I would not dare say "the shit" back then. And I remember being "Good Grade Buddies" with Joshua Rogers. Yeah, "Good Grade Buddy" was code for "lets cheat and make sure we end up making the same grade"!!!! For shame! I know your name!

Even though I'm 29 and have a car, have a great job, have bills and a mortgage I still see myself as being in the fifth grade. Why is that? I have no idea. I'm sure I need to talk to someone about this but I think its partly pretty innocent. It was a safer time. I can't say I was EVER carefree, however I don't remember worrying about where I should live and what I should do with the rest of my life. I lived each day for that day and that day alone. How much more do you think we would all accomplish if we did that now? I don't mean mind blowing accomplishments, but the things that actually matter - like reaching out to that person sitting at a table by him/herself. Stopping to pick up that person at the bus stop that you work with even though you don't know her. Giving the homeless person $5 even though you think they will buy alcohol with it. Loving those people in our lives for who they are regardless of what they do for us. Hummm.

Just wondering - What if?

Imaginary Friends

So I just finished a book by Cecelia Ahern called If You Could See Me Now. I won't go into grave detail about the book. You'll just have to read it for yourself. However, I will tell you that it talks a bit about Imaginary Friends and how they help you along your way. Some say imaginary friends are actually a good thing. It's a sign that your imagination is growing. This kind of troubles me because - well - I never had one. I knew I never had a huge imagination growing up and it makes me a bit sad when I really think of it. I mean I had tea parties...but I actually had tea! Why would I just imagine to have tea when my mother made tea nearly everyday and I could just get some for my little tea cups for me and my friends? It never crossed my mind that it might actually be fun to "play" like I had tea in my tea cup.

And then it makes me wonder if my social skills would have been a bit better. Anyone who really knows me is well aware that I have some kind of social anxiety disorder. Yes, of course I can get in front of a crowd of 100 or more and sing until my heart is content. But put me in a group of 3 or more and I completely shut down. I love the idea of having people over to my house, but when they actually get there I tend to hide or make my way out to the grill and let my best friend do all the socializing. She hates me for this - I'm well aware. However, it's just the way it is. I can't help it. I've tried to be better at socializing, but I try in vain. I'm just better one on one. But if I would have had an imaginary friend would this anxiety be gone?

I don't know the answer to these questions really. I'm proud of who I am and how I turned out. The fact of the matter is...had I had an imaginary friend, I probably would have turned out a little differently. And well, that just isn't possible. I am who I am. I'm who God made me to be.

So to those of you who have or had imaginary friends I wish you well on your incredible journey. And to those of you like myself, chin up - we're on our own way!

Aquarium of the Americas New Orleans and Biloxi Beach

Paul B. Johnson with Family

Ryan and Jordyn

This weekend my brother, sister-in-law, Ryan and Jordyn came into town. Here are a few recent pictures. Enjoy!

Recipe for Amish Friendship Bread

For those of you interested in making the Friendship Bread and sharing with your friends, I've found the recipe to make the starter and the bread. You'll probably want to type up the instructions for Day 1 - Day 10 to give to the friends you give starters to. Also this says that a glass jar or bowl is best to be used but I prefer the zip lock bags. This makes it easier to give away and you can also write the date on the bag. Hope you and your friends enjoy!

Ingredients:
***Starter***
1 tablespoon Active Dry Yeast
2 cups Warm Water -- (110 degrees)
1 cup Flour
1 cup Sugar
1 cup Milk
***To Make Bread***
1 cup Vegetable Oil
1 cup Sugar
2 cups Flour
3 Eggs
1 small Vanilla Pudding Mix -- Instant
1 teaspoon Cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon Salt
1/2 teaspoon Baking Soda
1/4 teaspoon Baking Powder
1/2 cup Milk
***Cinnamon Sugar***
1 cup Sugar
2 tablespoons Cinnamon

(My recipe did not call for the salt, baking soda or baking powder. If you'd like to use it go ahead, but it is to die for without!)


Directions:

For Starter: Dissolve yeast in 1/2 cup of the warm water in a deep glass or plastic container. Stir in remaining warm water, flour and sugar.

Beat until smooth. Cover. (A large glass jar or bowl with a tight fitting lid works best for this, but a 1/2 gallon zip lock baggie can also be used).

Because your first batch of starter contains fresh yeast, you can skip the next set of directions and go directly to the instructions for splitting your start.

Do not refrigerate! Do not stir with a metal spoon! The starter requires 10 days for fermentation. If you use a zip lock baggie make sure you let the air out each day.

Day 1- Begin or receive starter Day 2- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 3- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 4- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 5- Add 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk Day 6- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 7- Stir with wooden spoon (or squish baggie) Day 8- Do Nothing Day 9- Do Nothing Day 10- Add 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour, 1 cup milk

Day 10 is when you actually split the starter to give away and begin making your bread.

Put 1 cup of starter in each of three containers. Give 2 away to friends and keep one. This will begin their Day 1.

For Bread: You will have about 1 cup of batter left (besides the 1 cup you have saved for yourself). To the remaining batter add vegetable oil, sugar, flour, baking powder, baking soda, eggs, milk, vanilla pudding mix, cinnamon, and salt. Beat until well blended. Add one cup raisins, chocolate chips or nuts, if desired.

Grease 2 loaf pans well, and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar, coating bottom well. Turn batter into pans, and sprinkle remaining cinnamon sugar onto tops of loaves. Bake at 325F degrees for one hour.


This recipe from CDKitchen for Amish Friendship Bread Starter and Bread serves/makes 5 cups

Amish Friendship Bread

Last week my friend Suzie gave me the starter for Amish Friendship Bread. Today is the day to make it. The bread takes 10 days to ferment and be ready to bake. Throughout the 10 days you have to add ingredients and "mush" the bag before it is ready. Then on the 10th day you add more ingredients, make four new starters (three of which you give away to three of your friends), and the remaining batter is what you make the bread with (after you add even more ingredients). Anyway, so today is the day and I can't wait to taste the bread! Thanks Suzie for giving me something other to do than read. By the way - I've finished one more book since my last post. Something is really wrong with me!!!

My Eyes Are Bleeding

The past two weeks I've read four books. For those of you that read a book a night...shut up! Some of us have lives! Anyway....with this said, my eyes are bleeding and I think I need to take a break. I don't want to. You see I have this insanely obsessive personailty that when I start to do something and start to enjoy I just obsess over it. Right now its reading. I stay up until all hours of the night reading - devouring every word. Then I wake up just a tad bit early so I can read before I have to get up (not to mention obsess over what's happening while I'm sleeping!!!). Then I may or may not take my book to work and read in between clients while I'm changing my sheets. YES! I know! I'm insane! Once I'm home I casually walk in say a few words to my best friend - acting as if everything is calm in my head - and then go straight back to reading, trying not to trip over the piano on my way to my bedroom. Its as if its a drug. Once I read that first word - its just utter bliss. I'm high as a freakin' kite again. Why did it have to be reading? I mean why couldn't it have been working out or something. I really could stand to lose a ... few ... pounds. But it isn't. It's reading and my eyes are bleeding. So I think I'm going to try to not read tonight. I don't know though. I just started a new book and well I think it already has me under its spell. Wish me and my eyes luck!!! I'm gonna need it. (And, NO! I don't need to see a doctor so keep your suggestions to yourself!)

Purgatory

I feel as if I'm in Purgatory. Honestly I have no idea what purgatory is like since I'm not Catholic and do not believe in such - however - if I did I'm assuming this is how it feels. And well, I'm just way too depressed to think up anything else to write. Enjoy your weekend while I continue drifting along in Purgatory Mississippi.

Dream

Today I took a nap and woke up after a dream. The dream went something like this...I was sitting in a room with some man listening to praise and worship (huh? I know). After it was done the man started walking out of the room but stopped and knealt beside me and said, " The Lord wanted me to tell you something like either He has given you the desire to have a child or another child or something, but (I felt he gestured toward me implying I was getting older....like "times a' wastin'" - HOW DARE!!!), you have to move on though." And then he just walked out of the room. Really that quick.

Now I don't know what it is I need to let go of, but I have believed for some time that God is the One that put the desire in me to have a chld. I haven't always wanted one. Even today while in the store I started to think that maybe I really should reconsider that, watching all these moms pull their children by the arms telling them "I'm tired of this attitude" and "Quit throwing that down" and children screaming and throwing fits flailing their legs and arms about. Someone would have to be insane to really WANT that....or God must put it on their heart.

And so I sit here kind of awestruck that God even spoke to me in a dream, because I've been so completely desperate lately for even just one Word. With that said, please pray for me that I'm able to move on from whatever is holding me back in my life. Apparently time is wasting and it's waiting on me.

Resignation

I have resigned myself to the fact that my house is not going to sell. So I might as well suck it up and be happy about the fact that me and my little house can keep loving each other to pieces. I'll try to fix her up a bit more, while she brings me peace. (I'm sure my best friend will be thrilled since this means she will continue to be the constant helper in that daunting task of DIY projects....cheers!)

Happy Christian Birthday to ME!!!

Twenty-two years ago today I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I was at church camp and it was July 4th. The amazing thing was, after service that night we went outside and watched fireworks. It was the angels and God rejoicing I'd like to think...."Another one has accepted Me." Really it's such a honor that God desires our love as desperately as He does. Above all else He just wants us to totally abandon ourselves to Him. It's so simple yet we make it so difficult at times. I don't know why. But today I just wanted to say, Thank you Lord for totally giving Yourself to me. I love you and each day I pray You draw me closer to You. Happy Birthday US.

Beautiful Christian Sister

By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!


It's amazing how someone can put into words how so many of us feel. Today what stands out to me and really makes me gratful to be a child of God is "I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it."

Today has been a 'pressed day. I stayed in bed the entire day and didn't even think of showering until 10:00 p.m. I read an entire book that hit way too close to home for comfort, but it somehow helped to lift my mood. God always has a way of doing that through books with me. Regardless of what I think or anyone else thinks, God thinks I'm worth it....no matter what it is. He thinks I'm worth it. I'm worth it all. Somedays that's just easier to believe than others. Lord, thank you for reminding me today that I'm worth it all.

Just Reminding Myself....

Oh, the Places You'll Go!
by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Sweet Spirit

Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying

So, I may have a contract on the house. Wouldn't you know it - the guy had to go into the hosptital right before he signed the contract. I'm told they acceptted my last offer, but still no contract. I'd like - for just once - things to go smoothly. I KNOW I need to have a bit of patience and I KNOW I need to trust that God's got this. I just hate the waiting game.

Praying

Someone made an offer on the house (very insulting offer to say the least). But I have counter-offered and am now just praying that God intervenes. Ultimately I want to be where and do what God wants me to do. If staying in the armpit of America is where He wants me, then I know deep down there has to be a reason for it. But I'm so far from happy here. Each day it seems as if there is yet another reason for me to leave. I had gotten to a place of contentment, but that has started to fade. Please pray for me today. God sees the big picture.

My House

Someone is coming to look at my house today. Though it saddens me that one day I'll be leaving my home behind, I feel as if I have to get out of this God forsaken place. Am I even alive anymore? Are you there? I'm fadin' fast!!!!! My best friend said, maybe we need to be praying a little more specific. And she's right. But honestly I don't know the specifics. Part of me wants to move back to Midland to be close to my family. It breaks my heart when I have to get off the phone with my neice and nephew. It breaks my heart when my mother tells me that Ryan is asking for Aunt Liberty.

But my logical side wonders if that's enough. And if so will I do well as a massage therapist in an area like Midland? I don't see too many spa and salons around there, and even fewer (okay so not a one!!!) resorts. I know money isn't everything. Happiness and family can sometimes make up for that. But how do you know what's right and what's not? I feel like I've prayed and prayed and prayed and .... okay you get the picture. But I'm hearing nothing. Am I not hearing anything or have I already gotten the answer? This ADHD brain of mine can't figure that out right now.

Hug O' War

Pondering Love

I've only loved....really loved a few people in my life. Each love was different. Fairytale love - yes I've experienced it. It was great and overwhelming. It was full of twists, turns, and surprises. Unassuming love. One things leads to another and you've been daitng the same person for hmmm....well, all of a sudden you realize, this person is pretty great - not what I expected, but pretty great. Convienent love - it happens. Have we not all had one? You know, the one where you are convienently alone, so is he/she and there you go. One day you realize there is something there that wasn't there in the beginning. And my treasured Unconditional love - you know who you are - you have been and will always be the greatest. And now I sit here and wonder about my "Love Song for No One". Is there another love out there? Not really sure. In today's society I wonder if it's all worth it. How many couples do you know that are TRULY happy? How many couples are willing to stick it out to the end? How many men/women have NOT cheated on their spouse? I'd love to say that love still happens, but I'm not really sure. And why is that? Why is it that only our elderly know the meaning of "in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, until death do us part." Have we as a society gotten SO wrapped up in the idea of love that we don't even know what it is? Hey, I'm wondering that about myself...no judgments here.

Philippians 1:6

Philippians 1:6 (Amplified Bible)
And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you.

Do you ever wonder if you may have gotten off track? You wonder if that "thing" God spoke to your heart years ago isn't there anymore because of something you did or something you didn't do? Well, I'll be honest and raise my hand and say...Yes, that's me. I've moved on from places where God's plan for my life was a bit easier. Up until now, I had not been involved with the church like I used to be. Up until now I had put my voice and my worship on a shelf for no one to hear or see....the worst of all God. I can't tell you why. Maybe out of fear. Maybe out of being out of my comfort zone. But the TRUTH says He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you. The good news is...hold on to your seat...we can't get in the way. My friend, get ahold of that like I am. LIBERTY.....YOU CAN'T GET IN GOD'S WAY!!!!!!!! Be set free! Allow God's love and grace and mercy to penetrate all your insecurities and be set free from your doubts...from your failures...FROM YOURSELF! The Word of God does NOT return void. It's there....whatever He spoke to you is STILL there. He WILL do what He said He will do. Trust Him. Believe Him. Open up your heart. My friend, you are not too far gone. You can't get in His way.

Always

How Great Is Our God

With All I Am

Lord You Are Good

Eileen's Baby Shower

Today was my friend, Eileen's Baby Shower. Here are a few pictures celebrating the soon birth of her baby boy.