Autumn

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." - George Eliot

What is it about Autumn that we love so much? Is it the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin? Is it the idea that family gatherings are drawing near? Is it the desire to envelope yourself in the duvet and curl up with a good book? Maybe its that time of year where it makes it okay to drink hot chocolate again. I can't pinpoint what it is for me exactly. I love the coolness in the air. I love warmth in the smells and colors. I love the excuse to be lazy and walk around the house in my pj's and footies. I love that my puppies come to me to put their sweaters on because they are already getting cold before winter even gets here.

But the one thing that I don't love is the remembrance of the past. I don't know why autumn reminds me of the past, but it does. I'm more of a dreamer. I focus on the future more than anything (even to a fault), but lately its been the past that has been sneaking up on me. Successes. Failures. Things unsaid. Things said that shouldn't have been said. Good times and bad.

Maybe Thomas Wolfe said it best when he said "Then summer fades and passes and October comes. We'll smell smoke then, and feel an unexpected sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation, a sense of sadness and departure." There is joy and contentment, yet at the same time this sadness and sense of unease. What is that exactly?